We’re not sure what’s scarier: uncle Karl, Conchita or the combination

We so don't want to see the sex tape

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Is David Beckham doing that ice bucket thing proof that he wears a wig?

Do gay bears have anonymous sex in the woods? Perhaps we’ll never know, but what we do know is that David Beckham first decides to wear a cap while having chilly water poured over him, then does that is-it-still-in-place panic manoeuvre straight after. And yeah, that’s pretty tenuous but it was either that or focus on the fact that all the videos of these famouses doing the ice bucket thing are filmed on such shitty cameras and in such low quality we think it might be a conspiracy.

Pop that in your designer-imposter pipe and smoke it.

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In the run-up to next week’s Kate Bush concerts…

There is a whole night of Kate Bush stuff on HMBBC Four this Friday (well, it’s a whole night if you watch it twice).

First up is a brand-new documentary called The Kate Bush Story: Running Up That Hill with contributions from Tori Amos, Elton John (remember KB’s ‘Rocket Man’?), Stephen Fry, Dave Gilmour, Peter Gabriel, names, sweetie, names. Here are some clips. Here. Right here. Then there’s a compilation of all of Kate Bush’s appearances at the BBC.

And while we wait, here’s the video that went with the live recording of ‘Them Heavy People’. And have we got press tickets for next Tuesday’s first night? Yes we have, thank you for asking.

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That hot piece of murdering scum off-of Happy Valley is playing a gay in a new BBC drama about the Bloomsbury Set. We’re slipping off our designer-imposter high-backed chair as we speak.

That hot piece of murdering scum off-of Happy Valley is playing a gay in a new BBC drama about the Bloomsbury Set. We're slipping off our designer-imposter high-backed chair as we speak.  es Norton

The hot piece of murdering scum is James Norton, the gay in question is artist Duncan Grant – who bummed John Maynard Keynes among others – and the show in question is called Life In Squares, and we do love a square.

Other people are in it too, just no idea who.

 

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Queen Latifah! Come out already, you silly old lez!

Cover up, woman!

Here is Queen Latifah either a). kissing a girl and liking it while not being out as a lesbian or b). stealing food out of another person’s mouth. Either way, it’s got to stop.

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Look at the spa in Tamara Ecclestone’s £70 million mansion. Mmm, nice…

Slinky

As an exercise in proving that money can’t buy taste and some interiors folk will do anything for cash, here is Tamara Ecclestone’s spa. For relaxing withinside of. She must have really pushed the boat out and got some of those Designers at Debenhams in.

It lies in the basement of her £70 million mansion on Kensington Park Gardens, the most expensive street in Europe. And don’t worry, she earned all that money herself doing commentary for Formula 1 in Italy, though how she ever got a great job like that, we’ll never know.

Now, let’s go for a nice lie down on a deckchair next to a picture of a gun in a darkened basement, shall we?

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Is it that time of year already? First look at Tom Daley’s new calender. Yes, he’s wearing wet pants, obvs.

Nicely

It’s for the year 201… *checks notes* 5 and it’s out now for ready money (only £9 of it) from here.

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You know that Jenson Button – he’s a racing driver and we’d like to put our finger on it – well, here he is on his holigays in Ibiza, which is the Lytham St Anne’s for the teensies.

You know that Jenson Button - he's a racing driver and we'd like to put our finger on it - well, here he is on his holigays in Ibiza, which is the Lytham St Anne's for the teensies.

Yeah, ‘teensies’ is a bit shit but no-one’s quite neologised a decent term for this decade, so, you know, it’s all pound, shillings and pence to us.

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