Me-Me-Me.tv

He is Fenerbahce SK player Raul Meireles.

Kumquat?

Though his shorty-shorts bunch up good and proper so, you know, silver penises and all that.

Rugby up to and including tackle.

And that concludes today’s sports news.

So it turns out that gay people are smarter than your average straight in the street. Our evidence for this? Gays are much more likely to be atheist than a member of the general population.

While only 20% of the general population said they were atheist in a recent poll (mind you, we say ‘only’: still beggars the question, why do we have bishops and rabbis and imams in the House of Lords? Hmmm?), a whopping 50% of your actual gays said that they had no belief whatsoever in fairies, angels, virgin births or girls with really long hair locked in towers by evil stepmothers.

So there you have it, science fans. Gays are statistically smarter than your average man on the bus. *bobs curtsey*

This is how Henry Cavill got bikini-ready for summer.

And in other news, here’s another episode of ‘Soldier of Steel’ in which Zack Snyder, director of Man of Steel, asks a bunch of National Guard Citizen-Soldiers (us neither, but it’s forcing us to roll our eyes) what they would do if they were Superman for the day. Miss Congeniality has nothing on this lot.

It gets particularly slappable around 1.11 when one man, standing in front of a white picket fence, says, ‘I would bring down the price of gas. It’s killing me.’

Also the woman after that. ‘I would let *pause* older people *pause* be super fast.’

And the next-but-one man after her. ‘I would like to be able to punch some concrete.’

And not to be outdone, the guy at 1.30: ‘It would be to fly. You know, it would just be a lot cheaper to go cool places.’

A lot cheaper?

It’s Cristiano Ronaldo, looking dollier than your average Brazilian, on a boat in Miami.

Ever since George Michael carelessly put wisps of blond (well, with that colouring and lack of scientific progress back then, it could only ever be cantaloupe) through his weave back in his very own heterosexual days, we’ve known gennelman of the Latine should avoid highlights.

The face looks suspiciously like it’s been dipped in a vat of MAC, there’s a beach bracelet that looks like it came from a shop in a hotel lobby, and as for the shorts… what’s with the extra layer underneath? This isn’t your first time at the gaydeo, surely?

Manchester City goalkeeper Joe Hart changes into something less comfortable.

And that concludes today’s sports news.

Do you ever require a cola or even a dietary cola but can’t face a whole can? Yes, you can buy a bottle but the only cola bottle that’s nice to drink out of is a glass one and that’s every bit as un-re-sealable as a can. Plastic bottles are handy but it’s just not as nice…

Now, thanks to someone very clever in science, there is a Coke can that splits in two. Just like some of you! You buy one then you can split it as seen above to either share with a friend or lover or to keep for later. Hey bingo!

We think it’s the future right now. Ditch the space programme. Let’s put more work into shit like this!

Liam from One Direction in Calvin Klein boxer briefs in spoil-sport black.

And that concludes today’s breaking celebrity underwear news…