And in today’s breaking swimwear news and comment…

Where's that phone number we wrote down on his throat?

War hero turned panties model, Alex Minsky by Eric Pietrangolare.

Just two things. 1). the tattoos, especially the unfinished hangman on the thigh. Really?

And 2). what looks like a little bit of leakage around the tip area. Can we help it if we have the senses of a bloodhound?

And that concludes today’s breaking swimwear news and comment…

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Our favourite Honey Monster has her own clothing line!

So pwetty!

This is Real HouseTrouts of Atlanta NeNe Leakes (which, yes, does sound like a bladder infection) on the beautiful occasion of her wedding, in itself a very touching affair: when it came to the part of the ceremony when she was asked whether she took the poor old man who she had suckered ‘for richer or poorer’, she ‘repeated’, ‘For richer or for more richer. I don’t do no poorer…’ Gets you right here, doesn’t it? *indicates anatomy around lower stomach region*

Well, during a Twitter spat with Wendy Williams (no idea) about the fact that she’s been writing on her Hermes Birkin bag with felt-tip pens… well, she does have five (you know she don’t do no poorer), she announced that she has a clothing line coming soon on Home Shopping Network, which is where we get pretty much everything we’re standing up in right now (even though we’re sitting down).

‘I really love fashion,’ said NeNe, Neen to her friends, despite all the evidence to the contrary. ‘I’m very much a fashion girl…’ Fashion, however, chooses to differ.

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Is there a bigger dickhead operating today? We fucking hope not!

Jeez Louise!

Look at the face on it for a start! And that coverline about dressing ‘like a god’. What in a white T-shirt and a camel coat as last seen on some dodgy second-hand car dealer. And are those leather trousers!

As for the gay rumours… We sincerely hope not. This is the last thing we need.

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Who wants to be among the first to experience the roof terrace of London’s coolest hotel along with a bunch of gays?

It could be you!

If you find yourself in London’s edgy Shoreditch tomorrow – or even within reaching distance – then we have one for you.

Jake, a group designed to enable gays to have nice drinks in nice environments, is helping London’s probably coolest hotel, The Ace, to launch its roof bar/terrace-type thing. That’s it right there. Nice, right?

For the cost of just £10 on the door – or two for a similar price if you go online – you will get a). in b). a free drink, if you don’t pitch up too late and c). access to some of the most glittering gays in all of the capital. Oh, and this view.

It starts at 6.30pm and goes on until the last man standing and you can find out all about it/buy your tickets here. And don’t mind what anyone tells you it’s not a). all men in suits (though there are some for you suit fetish people) b). a membership thing and c). and d).

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And in today’s sports news…

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Soccer.

And that concludes today’s sports news…

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Selfie du jour

Smaller! Smaller!

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Katie Price denounces other women as ‘whores’ and ‘slags’. Yeah, this Katie Price…

Put it away, love

Yes, kids, nice demure Katie Price pictured here having a light nap, has been involved in a Twitter spat that may or may not be sponsored by a high-street weekly magazine.

In Tweets that may or may not have been sent while under the influence of being a fucking idiot, she laid into (the word ‘laid’ is key in that part of the sentence) a couple of former friends she has since found to have been shagging the man she married straight after meeting him in a supermarket car park (she has a vicar sitting in the back of her car at all times in case of such eventualities).

Apparently, these two ladies, former friends of Ms. Price, are shagging anyone who strays into their path. But not Gareth Gates. Or Dane Bowers. Just other people.

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Is that Kylie in the back of Nick Cave’s taxi? They must have used a booster seat

Where's it to be then, love?

Here’s Kylie, smiling through the heartbreak, acting through the Botox as she takes a ride in Nick Cave’s taxi in the bound-to-be-rivetting 20,000 Days, a film that celebrates NC’s first 20,000 days on earth. Doesn’t time fly when you’re having fun?

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