Here’s a slinky shiny trailer with a slinky naked Tom Hiddleston.

We started reading the book but gave up at approximately page 72. Maybe 73. We just got waylaid.

 

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We haven’t been this excited about a penis since Playgirl published those pictures of Flash Gordon…

We haven't been this excited about a penis since Playgirl published those pictures of Sam J. Jones...

Hello.

All of London’s glittering Internet is a-buzz over these pictures of Tom Hardy off-of famous, which show him filming a film on a film location somewhere in Her Majesty’s Great Britain while in his nude.

The Sun – bastion of morality that it is – has pixelated the penis, which is just rude.

Some clever person will find the non-pixelated penis at some point, but until then we have nought but our dolly imaginations to guide us. As well as those Flash Gordon pictures, seeing as you ask…

Continue reading “We haven’t been this excited about a penis since Playgirl published those pictures of Flash Gordon…”

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University Challenge in quite attractive contestants shock!

University Challenge in quite attractive contestants shock!

*Yes, yes, no, probs*

University Challenge, for our innernational chums not familiar with Her Majesty’s BBC, is a show that’s been running longer than this piece of string in which university students given just the one gift in life compete with each other to win nothing but the admiration of their peers and the disdain of viewers who throw massive chufties when they get one whole question right. Which is normally in the popular music round.

These people are the cream of the UK’s universities’ crops, many coming with speech impediments, social awkwardness and mesmerising hair. Assumed virgins, they’re more Schubert than Sia and couldn’t say boo to a goose but could give you a rundown of its phenotype. And then fumblingly sip from a glass of water when they’ve done so.

Oh but wait one bottom picking minute! Last night’s edition of University Challenge – one handy hour before The Undateables begins, which is at least ironic – had can what only be described in the business as attractive people on it. It’s not unknown to have one person you’d at least schtupp when under various influences – one of The Gays TM’s favourite pastimes is having to choose one person per episode you have to do – but three whole people who would get it even when sober is something of a modern miracle. The baby Jesus ain’t got nothin’ on this shit.

And yeah, we know. Poor old Ormestad Frendem. But while we’re busy colouring in our Wagamama menu placemats he’s got himself a future glittering career doing something we’ve never even heard of. Touché, babes, toupée.

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Goodbye fading homosexual obscurity, hello shiny blocky boutique hotel!

Shoreditch Highgate Hotel. Definitely not Chariots Roman Spa.

Shoreditch’s glittering Chariots Roman Spa – a place where you could unclog your oversized pores while getting bummed rotten – is to close in a matter of weeks. Which is days in old money.

London’s largest gay sauna is being raised to the ground to make way for a boutique and, like, some office shit. And, according to this render, it’s going to look like a key fob we made in CDT sometime in the early ’90s while listening to Lisa Stansfield’s Real Love album on our Sony Walkman. The teacher was barely qualified to run up his own pullover so he was hardly going to come out of a designer-imposter bag for putting on a bit of tip-top blue-eyed soul…

‘Gentrification gone to the dogs!’ said someone, almost probably.

 

 

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*bobs a curtsey*

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This chap on the left might just be your new crush. If you put some welly into it.

This chap on the left might just be your new crush. If you put some effort into it.

If you’ve been able to find some Telly V time in between flicking off to The Undateables and Crashed and Siblings and Making a Murderer and First Dates and Take Me Out and kittens and stuff, you may have stumbled across 10,000 BC. A tawdry old show contrived by Channel 5 to put naked people in a jungle and make them argue.

The ruse is… oh who cares what the ruse is. Something about no phones and only a bunch of twigs. But there are quite a lot of hot men in it, and not many hot women in it, so there you have it in a sexist-nutshell-of-which-we-approve.

And here’s one of the hot men in his nude. He’s called Dan and that rhymes with ham.

Continue reading “This chap on the left might just be your new crush. If you put some welly into it.”

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Colby Keller, take those ridiculous clothes off immediately!

Colby Keller, take those ridiculous clothes off immediately!

It’s Colby Keller – star of screen and anus – dollied up like Christmas’s glittering Tiny Tim by Aunty Dame Vivienne Westwood, for her SS16 campaign.

For those not familiar with pornography – which has quite the future, we can tell you – Colby Keller is one of its tip-top same-sex oriented stars, coming with a 7-maybe-8 inch cut penis yay wide (so we’re told), floppy hair you have to run your fingers through, the sort of body that looks like he still might have time to read a book, and a hint o’ ginge which gets you right there.

Quite how Dame V and/or husband Andreas Kronthaler came across (choose your puns, people!) Colby remains quite the mystery.

Oh, it doesn’t actually.

‘We’d gone thrifting in LA and (my friend Bernhard Wilhelm) snapped a pic of me in some Vivienne Westwood vintage trousers and sent the pic to Andreas.’

The rest, as they say, is a woolly rag even Princess Anne wouldn’t be seen dusting off her ruddy mares in, a pair of boots that are two-a-penny down the Ridley Road, and an invoice from Juergen Teller who clearly phoned this in.

But heck, what do we know? We’ve not worn Vivienne Westwood since 1997.

ps. Colby did take off those ridiculous clothes! Well, most of ‘em…  Continue reading “Colby Keller, take those ridiculous clothes off immediately!”

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We’ve not gone, we’ve just been *checks notes* lazy bastards.

Oh hello.

It’s come to our attention that we’ve barely been arsed to put pen to dolly Content Management System and update London’s glittering Me Me Me for close to a month. The reason for this is that we’re redesigning and your new singin’, dancin’ and bummin’ Me Me Me will be with you soon. Ish. And we just got distracted in the meantime by, in no particular order, Christmas, a ‘research’ trip to Berlin that runneth over, some boy who turned out to be a cunt, another one of those, the moon and the stars, vodka, more vodka (always a splash of lime, we’re not animals), actual journalistic work which apparently pays the bills, this really cute kitten, the view out of our office window, and c) and d).

Anyway, here’s David Walliams’ former-glittering Lara Stone on a Vogue Australia shoot practically with full tit ‘n’ minge out, alongside some gennelman with shoulder length hair, a Roman nose, nipples tinier than your average button and a penis in white speedos. It’s shit like this we’ve been crying out for.


We've not gone. We've just been *checks notes* lazy bastards.

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