Who wants to see the teaser trailer for Madonna’s tour?

Pole-dancing nuns!? Where does she find them?

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Selfie du jour

Sockette to 'em!
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And in today’s breaking celebrity underwear news and comment, Calvin Harris’s new campaign for Emporio Armani

Seriously hun

Which kind of looks exactly like his last campaign for Emporio Armani.

And we’ve decided that straight boys like black pants because they can get… let’s just say ‘dirty’, shall we, and leave it there… and no one’s any the wiser.

And that concludes today’s breaking celebrity underwear news and comment…

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What? No obvious gays in Great British Bake Off? Again?

Motley crew

Homophobia obviously runs at the highest levels at Her Majesty’s BBC as for the second year running there are no obvious gays in the Great British Bake Off line up. Surely a matter for the police! If not the European Court of Dolly Rights.

They are, from left to right, and we’re not counting the women for obvious reasons, some bloke who’s a househusband but takes pictures for the Dalai (pronounced ‘Dolly’) Lama – an no, not those sort of pictures even; some bloke who’s a nurse, who might be gay, we suppose; some bloke who’s a prison guard, so he may have had gay experiences; some bloke who’s a firefighter, who might be gay or at least a strippagram; some bloke who made his sister’s wedding cake (so our money’s kind of on him); some bloke in a hat who looks the part with his tattoos and nose ring but who apparently has a wife and two children, for some reason no one can quite explain. And that’s your lot.

They better be funny or have big bulges or be transitioning, that’s all we can say.

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A new nightmarish video where Sam Smith finds himself in a straight disco with a girl who has pen all over her face

Can we just confirm how dated the whole big-holes-in-ears/facial tattoos/piercings-in-cheeks thing is? It’s like a fricking CKOne advert from 1998.

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Charlie Hunnam as an edgy King Arthur in Guy Ritchie’s new *checks notes* King Arthur film…

Nicely!

And to think the first time we ever laid eyes on him he was playing a 15-year-old being rimmed in Queer As Folk.

It kind of looked like this (oh, sorry for the quality: it was back when everything on TV had to be hand painted)

Is that for us?
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And in today’s celebrity sports aftercare news…

Open wide!

Cristiano Ronaldo all stretched out…

And that concludes today’s celebrity sports aftercare news…

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Selfie du jour

Chunky knits!
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