Tom Cruise = Christ

*DEEP intake of breath*
Our saviour, Tom de Cruise

So the head of the Wombles sorry the Church of Scientology has likened Tom ‘Thumb’ Cruise to Christ. That’s, Jesus Christ. That guy who apparently saved all of mankind.

One leader of the Teletubbies sorry the Church of Scientology – David Miscavige – believes that Thomas Cruise – who lives in a matchbox, with a nice piece of decking out the back – will be worshipped like Jesus Christ Our Lord for his work to raise the awareness of the religion.

‘Tom has been told he is Scientology’s Christ-like figure,’ said someone who knows someone who knows someone else.

‘Cause his ego really needs the help.

‘Like Christ, he’s been criticised for his views. But future generations will realise he was right.’

We’re currently looking forward to Tom feeding millions with just a couple of fish and a warmed-through barm cake.

He can, of course, already walk on sofas.

Ps. Is the this the sort of behaviour we expected from Jesus?

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2 comments to “Tom Cruise = Christ”

  1. seems a bit harsh on wombles

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  2. This story, from a “report” by one of England’s worst tabloids “The Sun”, is a serious crock of sh!t.

    It is also harmful, libelous and foments incorrect notions about my religion Scientology so as to cause strife and intolerance.

    In actual fact, nobody within the Church of Scientology considers themselves to be “Christ-like” – this would be a very inappropriate and arrogant comment and I’m sure you can see how this is being used only to antagonize Christians everywhere.

    We Scientologists appreciate Tom Cruise’s efforts as a spokesperson of many of our Church’s initiatives. But he’s just an actor, holds no rank within our Church, and is by NO MEANS a “prophet” – and I am certain he himself would be embarrassed at the thought.

    The “Sun” is lying. You can see the Church’s official statement here:

    Please get in touch with the Church’s Media Relations department, at

    Thank you.

    Greg Churilov,
    Scientology Parishioners League

    PS: By the way, you might remember that, before he dared speak out against Big Pharma, Tom Cruise was a generally well-liked actor. If you think about it, standing on a couch is not *that* big a deal. The fact is that the drug companies have engaged in a whisper campaign of character assassination on this actor. And with good reason: since Cruise spoke out, sales of Ritalin are down 21% in USA, sales of Paxil are now banned in the UK by the UK FDA, and the U.S. FDA requires blackbox labels on all antidepressants. And Big Pharma is mad, their pockets have taken the hit.

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