So we were lucky enough to have blagged/bribed the right people for tickets to the hottest date in London’s Glittering Town last night, the opening shindigaroo for the Kylie exhibition at the V&A. A place we’re fond of, especially when they invite us down to drink Champagne, scoff fancy nibble-ettes, and lick celebrities.
There now follows a description – in no more than 100, maybe 150 words – of said lovely party, including what was eaten, who was there, and at what point of the evening we humiliated ourselves in front of Kylie Minogue her very self.
– Kylie Minogue. Gave a lovely speech, even though no-body could see her. Could’ve played a tape for all we knew.
– Dannii, also of Minogue. Nice make-up.
– Boy George, in fetching bonnet. And Kylie’s NBF.
– Tasty Tim. Who everyone thought was part of Sigue Sigue Sputnik.
– Dita Von Teese. Looking very pale. Not riding around in bra and panties, unfortunately.
– Mark Gatiss, of League of Gentlemen and general telly fame. Sooo nice it hurts.
– Colin McDowell. 137-year-old fashion journo type person. Introduced Kylie, and was clearly not taking his medication. Mumbled something about getting into Kylie’s hotpants.
– Julien McDonald. Clearly wearing foundation.
– Lots of fash-mag-slags, and their friends.
– King prawns in an avocado puree.
– Tender tuna steak bites with soy sauce.
– Lovely Chinese spoon things with noodles and chopped vegetables.
– Oriental wraps, with indecipherable yet delicious stuff inside-of-’em.
– Ice sorbets in an assortment of coloured crisp shells. Fancy choc-ices, in other words.
[A king prawn. Yum.]
– Champagne in lovely flutes
– Other exciting booze
Point we fell over?
– 10.32pm. They did start plying us with shandy-booze at 6.45pm…
Anything else on the matter?
– The serving staff – normally very cute at these events – had their faces obscured by ‘Don’t Look Now’-esque masks, and the VIP area was just a side bit of the main V&A lobby, albeit with a robe dividing the muggles and those with diamonds. Yes we gained entry. Then fell over.