Had an unexpected visitor into the lilac satic bedroom chamber last night. He was so hairy I felt like giving him the number of my waxer, had teeth that needed a trip to the orthodontist, and his idea of fun was having me chase him all round the bedroom. Sadly, it wasn’t Danny DeVito on Viagra – somehow, a mouse had dodged security and the VIP rope outside my boudoir, to set up home.
I let out a scream the like of which hasn’t been heard since Pete Burns lost his make-up bag, and started trying to attack him with the only weapon close to hand – an Agent Provocateur candle (well, at least he’ll meet his maker smelling divine).
Unfortunately, the little fucker was far too quick for me (not the first time I’ve said those words in my bedroom), but if he wants to play dirty, my God he’s come to the right place. Just call me the Joan Crawford of the rodent world. Don’t fuck with me fellas – this ain’t my first time at the rodeo![Dangerous in the right hands]
Tune in tomorrow for the latest installment of… Fag Hag Diary!