The Eurovision Files 1: Scooch

The first in a series of probing interviews with Song for Europe hopefuls. Next time: Brian ‘Baked Potato’ Harvey!

...and a side of garlic bread.

Hooray, Scooch are back!

I know and we absolutely love it…

We’ve not had a proper pop band in Eurovison for ages…

We’ve not had a proper pop band in Eurovison for ages…

There’s been nothing like it, has there? It’s been years since a proper pop song was in the running and it’s been ten years since we won. We want to bring it home this year.

Do you think you have a shot at winning Making Your Mind Up?

I’m hoping. I honestly don’t know who the public will vote for though. Last year was a bit of a surprise that Daz was picked.

Have you got some snazzy Lycra outfits lined up?

Well, you never know. You’ll have to wait and see. We’re still getting that sorted, but I think there’ll be a few surprises. And we want to do a big performance as well. We don’t want to just stand there. We put on a good show. It’s one of our strengths.

You’re almost 30 now. When’s the cut-off point for muppetting about in Scooch?

Well, look at Take That!

Did you actually make money from it the first time round?

Well, all my clothes were bought for me, all my food was paid for, I just stayed in hotels all the time, I didn’t have to spend any money, so anything that came in was just mine. It was a great life.

Do your mates take the piss about you going back into Scooch?

They think it’s hilarious. But I think my mates respect that I had a top five record and there’s nothing you can really say to that, is there? And they’re all coming down to our G-A-Y performance on Saturday.

Can you still fit into those old Scooch outfits?

Me? No! I’ve grown into a man now. The other guys look exactly the same but I’m a man. I was so skinny back then, people thought I was anorexic but now I’ve got shoulders and a big hairy chest. I’m a big boy now.

Is it true that when Scooch split up you all worked in Bella Pasta?

No, not at all. I’ve never worked in Bella Pasta. We split up and I took a year off to spend all the money I’d earned. I was with my girlfriend at the time and we just spent it on living then after a year I thought, ‘Shit, I’d better start doing something!’ so I started telly presenting. So, no, I’ve never worked in Bella Pasta.

See Scooch at G-A-Y tomorrow (Saturday, 10th March)

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3 comments to “The Eurovision Files 1: Scooch”

  1. Give it up love. And where are my dough balls?

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  2. I know. And there was a hair in my Penne Alfredo! Motherfucker!

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  3. […] Scooch were hand-selected from a not very auspicious bunch to represent Her Majesty’s United Kingdom at Eurovision. It didn’t matter anyway as someone from Eastern Europe would obviously win anyway as they only vote for their next-door neighbours. Oh, and we got to talk to Scooch. Lucky old us. […]

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