Well, you wanted her in a vest top… Sadly not wet.
Now, no one’s saying Fag Hag niece is a chip off the old block, but the five-and-a-half-year old (well, she calls it five and a quarter – don’t you love the little darling for already managing to shave off a few all-important months?) is already starting to show signs of being part of the sisterhood…
For a start, Mika is her idol, not to mention the fact that she knows the words to Linsey De Paul’s (or Auntie Lin’s) ‘Rock Bottom’ completely off by heart. And then there was this incident the other day.
‘I know what gay is,’ she said to me, knowingly. ‘It’s when two boys love them.’ Delighted to have her getting with the programme so early, I encouraged her to elaborate. ‘That’s right, darling. Like mummy’s friends Peter and David and John and Jay…’
‘Yes, and I know another one,’ she continued, earnestly. ‘Merlin and Linford,’ said whilst pointing at my sister’s two Burmese cats. Breaking news, everyone! It’s official: my niece has outed my sister’s cats. Just call her lil’ Tatchell.