‘Abi went back to her day job posing in scratchy nylon pants with one leg hoiked up on an IKEA chair’
Anyone watching Deadline on Chav Channel (that’s ITV1 and 2)? In it Janet Street Porter (artist’s impression above) acts as the editor for one of those celebrity weeklies (the ones whose covers feature a lot of pink, lots of exclamation marks and lots of Charlotte Church’s arse), while some famouses battle to stay empoloyed by her. Think a Costcutters version of The Apprentice…
Janet is assisted by a man called Joe Mott , who writes for The Star, has no soul and hair like Miriam Margolyes. This week Janet was shouting at leading famouses such as Abi Titmuss and Ingrid Tarrant about the standard of their writing. ‘It’s terribowl!’ she screeched through a fringe that looked like it had been coloured by a packet saying ‘Clairol 07, Plum Pudding’ on it.
Although quite how she’s in a position to judge is unclear – her entire journalistic experience consists of about five minutes spent at the Independent once. Meanwhile, soulless man with Miriam Margolyes hair nodded sycophantically like a Mafia mobster’s henchman. In the end Abi got sacked. ‘Clear yah desk!’ yelled Janet as Abi cried real-life famouses tears and went back to her day job – posing in scratchy nylon pants with one leg hoiked up on an Ikea chair. Oh to be a famous!