Fag Hag sister and I aren’t speaking at the moment. Oh, it’ll pass eventually (a bit like kidney stones) but when we fight, we fight lowdown and dirty and it all gets very Krystle and Alexis…
One of our most memorable spats ended up with eggs being smashed on each other’s heads, respective property destroyed and my Paddington Bear diary being defaced (she’d written an entry entitled, ‘Dear Paddy, why am I such a bitch?’)
Highlights of this most recent one involved her pointing a very large metal kitchen object at me (OK, it was a fork but allow me the dramatics) and the word ‘cunt’ getting quite liberal airtime. And, as if to add to the camp high melodrama, my five-year-old niece decided to choose this moment to burst into a chorus of ‘You’re never fully dressed without a smile’. So for it’s been four days of no speakies and I’ll happily back down… as long as the bitch calls me first!