Is this the saddest thing you’ve ever seen?

Spotted in the upstairs bar of the prestigious Shepherd’s Bush Empire in London’s glittering West London…

Can't wait for Shout!

How is it sad? Let us count the ways… We-e-e-eeee-ell…

1. Can you imagine someone sitting down to frame this, a set list from a concert by The First Lady of Botox, Lulu (as in ‘Champagne for Lulu’)?

2. Can you imagine someone sitting down to type this out. It’s a set list from a concert by Lulu, for crying out loud!

3. The first song is a Kool and the Gang cover version! The very first song!

4. The only recognisable Lulu songs in there are ‘Man Who Sold the World’, ‘Shout’ and ‘The Boat that I Row’ – and the woman’s been doing this for the last fifty years!

5. Her contribution to the lamentable Take That cover of Dan Hartman’s brilliant ‘Relight My Fire’ (featuring Lolleata Holloway) was, well, let’s just repeat ‘lamentable’ and leave it there.

6. Does anyone ever need to hear ‘Shout’, like, EVER again?

7. The idea that you would leave the only songs anyone knew for your encore smacks of desperation. Make ’em wait for that ‘Shout’ song, eh, Lools?

8. There is a medley of three really good songs, no doubt massacred by the woman in leather trousers with a face like the mask out of Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

9. She signed it! That makes it something of a collector’s item, no doubt.

10. Shout. 

The End.

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7 comments to “Is this the saddest thing you’ve ever seen?”

  1. Altogether now… ‘That’s why the lady is a trout’ Hate her! It’s irrational because she is entirely insignificant but I HATE HER!

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  2. She’s not even going to sing ‘Boom Bang a Bang’, the only truly good record she ever did!

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  3. The only reason this woman exists is so whenever I want chamagne, I can go, ‘Champagne for Lulu!’. Though thinking about it, she doesn’t strictly need to exist in order for me to do this.

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  4. But didn’t I like her duets album with Atomic Kitten, Roland Keating etc?

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  5. She’s fucking terrible

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  6. Did she do one with Atomic Kitten?

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  7. I swear, if you painted her head green, you could pass it off as a watermelon.

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