Fag Hag Diary


And FH goes to… a straight club!

The Hagster 

The Fag Hag popped into her swanky private members’ club last night for a drink (actually, I say swanky, but last time I took a friend there he scathingly described it as having a similar ambience to ‘that terrible fake members’ club in that episode of Extras’. Thanking ye kindly.) Anyway, whilst having a few shandy lagers in Extras club, I got chatting to one of the nice straight barmen. Well at least I thought he was nice until we got on to the subject of what men dislike in a woman.

‘Coloured tights,’ he began. ‘Oh, and drunk women with red wine stains on their teeth.’

‘Fair enough,’ I laughed. ‘Oh, and women with fat arses, and cellulite and wrinkles and bad skin and loud laughs and ones who flirt and…’ Whoah, there! Easy boy!

I was almost terrified to open my mouth after that (in fact I certainly wasn’t going to be opening it for him after that little tirade). And I realised that when you’re not in the Shadow Loung anymore, Toto, you have to put up with all sorts of rubbish. That’ll teach me to stray from the non-straight and narrow path of Old Compton Street…

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