Oceans 13. Or, ‘why you never need to read/watch any interviews regarding said moving picture ever again…’

These guys are just, c-RAZY! 

And it’s begun. The Oceans 13 oppressive (we were v chuffed when we came up with that. In fact, there’s a damp patch around the mid-section), kicked off with Carla ‘My brother-in-law plays for AC Milan, don’t you know’ Romano off-of GMTV in London’s glittering Cannes where, you know, she flicked her hair a few times and asked really pertinent questions like, ‘You are in London’s glittering France. Nice?’ during her seven-and-a-half-second slot amidst what is known in the business as, a press junket.

Anyways, just ’cause it’s a lovely thing to do, we thought we’d save you the time of actually sitting down on-eth a bottom to watch any more interviews with any of the million-strong cast of Ocean’s 13 and reveal – to a breathless public – ALL the answers, before they’ve actually been given, and regardless obviously of what the question will be in the first place. It’s, like, magic or something. Aa-aaa-a-aaaaaaaa-nd, begin: (NB. Doesn’t really matter who’s actually uttering any of these answers – Bradley Pitt, Georgina Clooney, that Matt person, Diana Ross… they’re all interchangeable.)

– ‘Oh yes, you know, it was a hoot.’

– ‘That George/Brad/Matt/Diana, they’re such jokers! It’s was just, c-razy!’

– ‘We just laughed, laughed, laughed.’

– ‘Honestly, I’m going to have to get a restraining order on George/Brad/Matt/Diana – they’re just SO c-razy it’s almost lethal!’

– ‘Oh, wow. Just, wow.’

– ‘George/Brad/blah is my hero. He’s such a mad-cap guy!’

– ‘They’re just, you know, like, oh my. C-razy. Mad-cap. But so down to earth! Wow. We’re blessed to know/work/have bummed* one another.’

– ‘Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.’

– And C and D.

The end.

ps. Don Cheadle? Please stop.

*It’s another word for ‘shown respect to’.

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3 comments to “Oceans 13. Or, ‘why you never need to read/watch any interviews regarding said moving picture ever again…’”

  1. Oh god, I know!! Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooor-ing. And having watched ten minutes of the first one, I ain’t ever gonna give any more of my time to this movie franchise ever again.

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  2. Oh too, too true. And they’re all so fucking smug and up themselves. The films are shit people and you ain’t no Rat Pack. Move on.

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  3. But we’d still like to do George Clooney, non?

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