Fag Hag Diary


And FH gets a nasty surprise down London Zoo…

What you lookin' at, bitch? 

The Fag Hag did what any self-respecting fag hag does on a rainy bank holiday weekend (no, not that… I tried the agency and they were fully booked) and took Fag Hag Niece off to London Zoo. ‘Can we go see the gorillas Aunty E?’ I do love a gorilla, they’re by far my most favourite of all baby Jesus’s creatures.

As daddy gorilla eye-balled us with Pete Burns-style disdain we heard a voice that sounded like it could scour chip pans screech, ‘Oii, Lauren! Paris! Come over ‘ere and look at that grilla, e’s fuckin’ ‘ilarious.’ Now if there’s one thing I cannot abide it’s a common nana let loose in Regent’s Park. ‘Come along Mimi,’ I snapped. ‘Let’s get away from these rough hairy beasts and go and look at some animals.’

The lions proved even more hazardous – this time an East End cab driver grandfather was the culprit. ‘Liam! E’s wakin’ up – look at them bloody claws!’

And the moral of this story? If you go down to the zoo today, you may not be sure of a big surprise… but you’ll be sure of one thing – ASBO grandparents scattered everywhere like sheep droppings. Someone call the vet and get them humanely disposed of…

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One comment to “Fag Hag Diary”

  1. So sneery and so right. These people. What’s the point of Alton Towers and Legoland if they’re going to persist in visiting the capital’s attractions. Next thing you know they’ll be all over Primrose Hill.

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