We asked you to put a question inside them and you did. We just facilitated entry. Don’t know what that makes us…
From beatings in Red Square to the size of their willies, you didn’t let the RSF Brothers get away with a damn thing. Here are your ‘q’s and their ‘a’s…
Shocking pictures of you getting knocked about by those Russian arseholes. Still glad you went? Would you do it again? Been comparing scars with Peter Tatchell? -Rich
Richard: What happened is we had a show in Moscow the night before so we were there anyway. On the Sunday lunctime, we were going to have a lunch in Red Square, but it was closed for this demo. Our promoter said that they’d just had a call from some friends at a rally down the road and Tatu were playing and that it was safe. So this guy’s got his wife with him and his five-year-old daughter so we all head over. We didn’t know it was for gay rights. We thought it was for civil liberties.
Fred: The minute we jumped out of the car the police told our vehicle to go. So we’re stranded and there’s no demo at all, just this Nazis giving it all this [makes Seig Heil signs] and singing songs to the international press, who outnumbered us and the Nazis. The minute the press saw us they came and started talking to us, very general questions like why we were there. So we’re answering totally honestly that we’re here to support and we think it’s a good idea, not knowing what happened with Peter Tatchell. So we’re talking ourselves into a beating and we don’t know it! Suddenly everyone starts pushing and shouting, so we start to back off and as we do, the police start to push us back in. They weren’t interested in us getting away. At which piont Richard started to get thumped and I was getting hit in the body and kicked and stuff. At one point, a copper held my arms and hit me and then I just grabbed Richard’s arm and said, ‘Let’s get the fuck out of here. Now!’ So, we just started running. They caught up with us and had another fight. Then we came across some coppers on a tea break and they were quite sympathetic, arrested one guy and everyone backed off and we bought them a beer.
Did getting manhandled by burly Eastern Europeans turn you on, even a tiny bit? -Jesus Christ Superstar
Richard: No, not in the least bit.
Fred: I don’t know whether it’s their special forces but on all their jackets they’ve got OMOH so when they all stand in a line it says HOMO.
Richard: HOMOHOMOHOMOHOMOHOMO, really.
Fred: It’s really funny when you see six or seven hundred of them in a line.
Were you gutted that NME printed naked photos of you when you were first famous? You don’t have a very big willy which must have made it tricky to pull? -Consuela
Richard: I was called a Walnut Whip! A friend of mine knew a guy who wanted to be a potographer but had no portfolio so I said to him, ‘If you take pictures of me then I’ll have some pictures and you’ll have something for your portfolio…’ I’d never done nude pictures before. I was fucking terrified. We didn’t have a fluffer, which is an important thing on a cock shoot. I didn’t think anything about it and he kept the prints and sold them when the bank went broke. I had a boyfriend at the time, who I was with for 19 years and he was always very happy with my penis.
How much do you make from those Daz ads? -Boy
Richard: Not as much as you’d think!
Fred: We can’t say much because you have to sign a non-disclosure agreement but in the world of commercials, not very much. With the rework of ‘Sexy’, we just used it as a shoo-in because we’ve signed a new deal over here. If I was a punter I wouldn’t get too excited about Right Said Fred doing a new version of ‘I’m Too Sexy’ after it’s already sold 18 million copies. It was just for the Daz thing and now we’d do a new album.
Top or bottom? -Claudia
What’s your favourite cheese? -Justin
Richard: Until I went out with a Danish girl who proved herself to be an absolute cow, it was Havarti, the Danish cheese. But I never eat it anymore because of her. Now it’s a strong English Cheddar.
Fred: Brie, not too soft.
Who’s your favourite puppet of all time? -Kermit the Frog
Richard: Basil Brush!
Fred: That’s a really good question. Yeah, probably Basil Brush. But I like Emu.
Who’s the better baldy: Gail Porter or Britney Spears? -Chas and/or Dave
Richard: Gail Porter!
Fred: Yeah, Gail Porter. She comes across as a much nicer person than Britney.
Richard: Also the reasons why they went bald. But I think the best one is Sinead O’Connor. She looks fantastic.
Are you bald all over? -Melanie
Fred: I shave down there but not completely! I wet shave my bollocks and clip the rest.
Richard: I never think it looks that good. I quite like a hairy bum. I’ve never been into the gay porn thing with everybody shaved. I quite like that sort of soft hair. It’s why you go to bed with guys: for body hair. Otherwise you’d go to bed with women unless they were really hairy women.
These lovely gennelman of which we speak will be presenting The Campest Classics on Emap channel, Smash Hits, on 30th June. Fancy.