So 2/3 of Yanky Doodlies – or 66%, if you prefer percentages – believe in Creationism.
Which roughly translates as, 2/3 of Americans are retarded.
Whilst we’d happily enjoy the sane remaining third – especially if they enjoy activities of a fun kind – we’d like to draw your attention to a conversation we had with the Tooth Fairy, who now pays us weekly visits (we’re good. We pray to her, like, nightly and everything. And she only takes, ooh, 12-ish% of our earnings. Bargain.)
Tooth Fairy: Oh hello. Have you been good?
Us: Yes ma’am, we have. We burnt at least 73 books this week, taught the young and vulnerable only to believe what dirty old men in frocks and dolly red shoes teach them, and threw a good handful of rocks through the windows of the National History Museum. It was fun. You would’ve liked it.
Tooth Fairy: Oh good. Anything else?
Us: Now you mention it, yes. Santa popped round, he sends his regards.
Tooth Fairy: Oh how kind.
Us: Oh Toothy, by the way, there are these ‘people’ who are – what was that term they used? – educated, who keep bandying-even-though-we-don’t-know-what-bandying-means-’cause-it-contains-more-than-two-syllables this word ‘evolution’. They scare us. Can you, like, make frogs as big as our Mums’ suburban semis fall down on them – preferably with a nice side-order of lightning?
Tooth Fairy: Oh go on then, seeing as you asked nicely. And you do have lovely hair.
ps. Us: What does ‘syllable’ mean?
Wasn’t that a fun story, pop-pickers? We’re thinking of turning it into paperback form, and calling it ‘The Bible’.