2/3 of Americans believe in Creationism. Like, durrrrrrr.

I just followed through... 

My favourite author is Darwin.

So 2/3 of Yanky Doodlies – or 66%, if you prefer percentages – believe in Creationism.

Which roughly translates as, 2/3 of Americans are retarded.

Who. Knew.

Whilst we’d happily enjoy the sane remaining third – especially if they enjoy activities of a fun kind – we’d like to draw your attention to a conversation we had with the Tooth Fairy, who now pays us weekly visits (we’re good. We pray to her, like, nightly and everything. And she only takes, ooh, 12-ish% of our earnings. Bargain.)

Tooth Fairy: Oh hello. Have you been good?

Us: Yes ma’am, we have. We burnt at least 73 books this week, taught the young and vulnerable only to believe what dirty old men in frocks and dolly red shoes teach them, and threw a good handful of rocks through the windows of the National History Museum. It was fun. You would’ve liked it.

Tooth Fairy: Oh good. Anything else?

Us: Now you mention it, yes. Santa popped round, he sends his regards.

Tooth Fairy: Oh how kind.

Us: Oh Toothy, by the way, there are these ‘people’ who are – what was that term they used? – educated, who keep bandying-even-though-we-don’t-know-what-bandying-means-’cause-it-contains-more-than-two-syllables this word ‘evolution’. They scare us. Can you, like, make frogs as big as our Mums’ suburban semis fall down on them – preferably with a nice side-order of lightning?

Tooth Fairy: Oh go on then, seeing as you asked nicely. And you do have lovely hair.

The end.

ps. Us: What does ‘syllable’ mean?


Wasn’t that a fun story, pop-pickers? We’re thinking of turning it into paperback form, and calling it ‘The Bible’.

Oh yeah, almost forgot. We garnered this statistical information via a real-life Gallup poll, via those lovely Towleroad gennelmen. Thankings.

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6 comments to “2/3 of Americans believe in Creationism. Like, durrrrrrr.”

  1. I used to believe in Creationism, until God came down off his cloud and paid me a visit, and told me it was all a load of bollocks.

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  2. Retarded indeedy

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  3. Evolution, schmevolution

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  4. I would like to fill in the gaps here … just because they believe God created the world, thus making them a creationist, most American creationists also believe in evolution … it’s all God’s work, like. A little bit more academic weight brought to you by Consuela, as per usual.

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  5. Consuela you’re so clever! And that almost rhymes!

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  6. I know! I got a BTEC in kitchen hygiene and everyfink.

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