Britain’s Got Talent? FH begs to differ.
So Brian’s Got Talent is finally over. Thank god for that. I know lots of people said it was the most amazing celebration of ordinary people and that’s what made it so special, but my response is, why the fuck do I want to celebrate ordinary people? I have to see them every day, ringing up my balsamic vinegar in Tesco Metro, or stopping me in the street and asking me if I want to donate to Christian Aid (what the fuck’s that about anyway? Surely there are more deserving causes than Christians out there…) so I certainly don’t want to see them in full HD glory on my TV screen when I get home.
I want glamour and fabulousness, which does not mean chipmunk face Amanda Holden in a bad hairpiece and a man from Carphone Warehouse singing Nessun Dorma. And how dare they get rid of the best thing on that goddam show – the tranny-tastic Kit Kat dolls – just because of an ickle bit of prostitution! Amanda Holden spent a good two years sleeping with Les Dennis – now even the Kit Kat trannies stipulate an hour max…