Fag Hag Diary


Poor old Davida da Beckham has been moaning about those pesky men with cameras that follow him and his lovely wife and chav kiddies with the council estate hair around.


‘The other night we had 47 cars following us,’ he wailed. ‘It’s no joke.’

Sounds like it’s time for a big old serving of the reality sandwich for Davida, with a side order of wake-up call wasabi.

You see Davida, here’s the deal – it is perfectly possible to make money and achieve public acclaim and affirmation without having 47 cars follow you on a nightly basis.

Just ask Pink Floyd who have sold over 250 million records or Oscar-winning actress Emma Thompson, who this little fag hag saw on the tube the other day. Or JK Rowling who can often be seen wandering around Edinburgh doing her weekly food shop.

If you’re in any doubt about this, can anyone explain why Michael Jackson is able to just slip off the face of the earth when he fancies a break from wearing black chiffon apparatus and playing drop the baby?

Here’s how you do it in three easy steps…

1. Do not drive round with a police escort in a black stretch SUV with blacked out windows emblazoned with the number plate DVB in giant 18 point typeface.

2. Do not appear in cheap ITV documentaries probably sponsored by people like Canestan Thrush Cream and prostitute yourself and the council house kids for a few Hermes bags.

3. Hard one this, but try and remember – don’t tip off the paparazzi about your whereabouts.

See – now those shopping blues will be a thing of the past!

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