Mel B is currently respecting the sanctity of marriage with some bloke she started going out with a moment or two ago.
He’s called Stephen Belafonte, she’s called Scary Spice. They got spliced, in secret (shhhhsh!), in Las Vegas in June.
Someone who’s Mel B’s spokesperson said:
‘Regarding the marriage, Mel and Stephen have known each other for many years and were great friends first. Now they are deeply in love. The two are very happy together.
‘Parently, the two of ’em gotteth together whilst Melanie was with child.
‘He was a really good friend and good support to me during my pregnancy,’ Scary Spicy told these people. ‘He’s a really sweet guy.’
Now let’s play that game where we guess how long the marriage will last, and for why:
Person ‘A’ reckons: ‘I give it seven months. It’ll all go wrong during the Spice Girls reunion tour, with the pair of ’em finding the strain of separation just too much.’
Person ‘B’ reckons: ‘I’m thinking three months. That Stephen fella will find out that Mel B is actually a man and file for a quickie divorce owing to irreconcilable differences.’
Person ‘C’ reckons: ‘Cynics, the lot of ye. I give it 18 months, and they’ll split amicably – both with a “huge amount of love and respect for each other” – but, you know, they just decided to go their separate ways ’cause, like, living life in the spotlight is v v hard, innit.’
Person ‘D’ reckons: ‘He’s gay. I’ve had him down Chariots Roman Spa.’