And FH ‘fesses up to Jodie Marsh addiction (not like that. Tsk.).
Okay. Time for some truth taramasalata to be served at this little party of ours. Will anybody admit to watching Jodie Marsh on MTV’s Who Will Take Her Up The Aisle? Come out, come out wherever you are, don’t be shy! Look, apparently, according to figures there are 65,000 of you. No one? Oh, okay then, I’ll take one for the team (no change there then).
My name is Faggy and I am addicted to watching Jodie try to find a husband. Last night she’d got it down to a shortlist of three. One was a South African man who she’d met on the street who if my gaydar was working correctly, wasn’t marrying anything without a cock. The other was a thick fucktard of a male model called Eddie who looked positively foetal, and finally there was Matt, a muscle Mary who used to date Jordan and inauspiciously began the date by putting unleaded petrol in Jodie’s diesel car. But all is not well with Jodie and Matt. ‘If you say one more word about my make-up!’ she screeched, looking uncannily like Bozo the clown marching out of her country kitchen as brought to you by MFI.
Finally Jodie made her choice. It was the narcissistic and personality-disordered Matt, who once she told in a pub garden, with mascara streaming down her face and looking rough as old assholes (note to producer – ban early morning shoots and you’ll be doing everyone’s retinas a favour).
‘I hope I’m not making the biggest mistake of my life Peacock.’ Yup, Jodie Marsh is marrying a bloke with the surname Pea-cock in a regional zoo live on satellite television. Just one question – do we get to watch when he takes her up the aisle?