She’s sophisticated, elegant, is married to a premiership footballing star, can barely speak English and has a winning way with cloakroom attendants.
She is Cheryl Cole nee Tweedy.
Little did she realise, however, that not only has she dragged herself via reality television from the slums (we imagine) of somewhere way oop north, she has also married into the ‘family’ of this woman…
The woman who used to be Mariah before she got taken by the dreaded Photoshop…
‘It’s fascinating,’ sayeth the ‘Riah, who’s been doing her own personal Who Do You Think You Are in an attempt to find a link between her good self and Nat ‘King’ Cole (not to be confused with Old King Cole, the merry old soul).
‘My grandmother was a Cole before she married and it turns out she comes from the same area of Alabama as Ashley’s ancestors.’
One of those source-y friend-type people has revealed that Ash (and presumably Cheryl) are, what is that footballing term?, ‘over the moon’ to hear of the link.
‘Ashley is chuffed to bits to hear they’re related,’ sayeth the source-y/friend. ‘He’s always been a big fan of Mariah’s.’
And bang go his efforts to shake off the gay rumours.