Karen Krizanovich: An American Bitch in London

Where's my vodka?

So it wasn’t just me who was smirking, a little, at the notion of Californians’ ‘Coping con Catastrophe’. The Independent has had a little snoop around San Diego and pointed out that life goes on in SD regardless – so you’ve got the AA meeting (in the Qualcomm Stadium bar, no less), yoga lessons, free acupuncture and massage as well as Vietnamese picnic food, beef enchiladas, Myleene Klass on the piano… Hell, what am I doing in London when I could go to San Diego and have fun?

Do I care if the police are checking for ‘non-evacuees’? I can look homeless – after all my hairdresser is not back from Budapest yet. They’re so flush with well-wishers and do-gooders that the good folks of San Diego are even turning away donations! (Note: The police apparently frogmarched out a slew of entertainers and performers. They really ought to re-direct their efforts towards Ant and Dec forthwith).

But back to Blighty where working mom/actress Gwyneth Paltrow has poked her head above the parapet to reveal that she will be cooking Spanish food for a US telly show – which flips me out because isn’t she macrobiotic? Wouldn’t it have to be macrobiotic Spanish food? Wouldn’t that just be, like, groats in a bowl? Gwyneth, who has no qualms about not having implants or a pushy-uppy brassiere like other stars, looks fantastically planky, iron-boardy ectomorphy, which just goes to show that genes can stop two kids and a rock star husband doing a number on your looks.

But girls and boys, there IS a God because it seems Nigella ‘Gee-I-Don’t-Mean-To-Be-Sexy-But-I’ll-Just-Dip-My-Breasts-In-This-Triple-Molten-Choc-Sundae-One-More-Time’ Lawson seems to have finally produced the stomach we knew she was brewing the whole time. Just goes to show, to be really famous, you have to be like Carol Vorderman and drink your wine from an eggcup so you don’t get fat.

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2 comments to “Karen Krizanovich: An American Bitch in London”

  1. *books flight to San Diego*

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  2. Maybe the fires were started by the San Diego tourist board?

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