Karen Krizanovich: An Amercian Bitch in London

Hellooooooo, anybody there?

Blessed are the pregnant pop stars. Fertile is their crescent ‘n’ stuff. Consider how difficult it must be for Jennifer Lopez et al to BE SEXY with a belly full of twins. In Miami yesterday, she finally spoke out that the belly she’s been sportin’ ain’t from eatin’ after 5pm. (Her husband, Latino curiosity and Roman politician and general Marc Anthony, didn’t know the belly was going to speak: the acoustics were AWFUL.)

Consider how hard it must be for her to shake her money maker when half of it is quite obviously and fully occupied… Even her designer, Cavalli, complained that it was almost impossible, dahling to dress her as the kids seem to be growing into leviathans inside the Latina superhero. Even swirls don’t help!Now that Christina is about to reproduce (after buying the Osbourne family mansh, bless – let’s hope she had it exorcised or fumigated or whatever is deemed necessary these days) it seems that it isn’t enough to be sexy anymore, you gots to be a Fertle Myrtle.

Well, some pop stars seem to only have a barren field where their partner’s seeds can find no purchase – and when that happens it is easy enough to remedy by throwing some money at one’s stubborn cervix. ‘Open up in there. Look. I have CASH DOLLAR!’ Works every time…

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