Karen Krizanovich: An American Bitch in London


London goes mad for the iPhone. What is it with the general public? Show them something shiny and they will come.. in their droves… complete with sleeping bag to show they mean business and Boots Shapers Mint Bar for sustenance. Isn’t that sad. There they are, queuing up outside the Apple megastore on London’s glittering Regent’s Street just to get their mitts on something that will probably be stolen before they’ve made it to Oxford Circus (something predicted prior to the US release, with one New York Post headline going ‘iGot Your iPhone’. Oh, the prescience of the tabloids…).

We’ve all seen such queuing before: for Star Wars, The Producers, Kate Moss’s TopShop clobber, the girl-on-the-brink-of-a-stroke-but-thankfully-first-in-line for the new Cavalli stuff at H&M, even though no amount of Cavalli magic could disguise her Achilles’ heal – her body. But the biggest tragedy of all? We all know you can just get the darned desired object a few days later, without having a nervous breakdown in the process – and haven’t these kids cottoned on yet? There’s something so P Diddy about brand, sparkling, I-know-someone-at-the-Apple-store-and-you-don’t-therefore-I’ve-got-one-of-the-first, new. Desiring gorgeous things but actually having the decorum to wait for a civilized purchasing environment is the new black, sillies.

But anyway, here it is. Pop into Carphone Whorehouse and get one. What they do not tell us, naturally, that on top of the (not altogether unreasonable price tag) is that insurance for it (non-transferable) is £40 a quarter on an 18-month contract bringing the whole cost up considerably (use your fingers to figure that one). And then there’s the £100 on top for a quarter to make sure your good for it. Then iTunes jams for a bit because it is the only way to register the phone.

And now that I have a sick headache, my Botox has worn off and that favourite blue vein is sticking out of my forehead, I must say the iPhone is enough to make one spill one’s seed. It is a thing of beauty. It is, lovely. But it’s more of a computer-thing than a phone-thing. I can hardly wait to drop it down the loo by accident.

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2 comments to “Karen Krizanovich: An American Bitch in London”

  1. Err, they DO tell us the total cost. All the papers did that story six months ago … please keep up.

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  2. Despite knowing everything, I wasn’t actually aware of the full cost. That’s like *counts* a grand a year or something! Blimey O and all that.

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