She will not let it lie.

Kylie channels Jodie Harsh

Not content with regaling us with a single, an album, a tour, a comeback tour, a film of the comeback tour, a perfume, a collection of her ropey old hot pants at the V&A, another perfume with the word ‘sweet’ included in the title and now some homeware (yes, you’ll be able to buy Kylie pots and pans), Ms Minogue Sr. is now ready to spoil you with a… tour. Yes! Another one! *drops off. Has to be revived with smelling salts, Cranford-style*

‘I am putting together a show that is going to be a new and exciting experience for both the audience and myself,’ quoth she. ‘We’ll be the judge of that,’ quoth we in return.

‘After two celebratory tours, X…’ – that’s what she’s calling it, kids – ‘will be a look to the future.’ Who said ‘greedy for money’ at the back?

The tour dates are after the jump…

Oh, we couldn’t be bothered to type them. Suffice to say it starts off in Belfast on 26th June next year (they always start in Northern Ireland assuming them Ulster folks have lower standards) and ends up on London, England a month later.

How very excitement!

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More dolly #content:

31 comments to “She will not let it lie.”

  1. ‘Money grabbing’? – oh fuck off. She’s doing a TOUR which is what pop stars DO. And at least she’s never done anything as naff as putting her name to bottles of shit wine (a la Madonna).

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  2. I think you will find, Mr Edwood, that Madonna did not ‘put her name’ to bottles of shit wine, they are merely etched with her image. Nowt to do with her.
    Also, of course Kylie’s a money-grabbing cunt, which is by no means an insult. Can’t really blame her. After all, she’s not in it to regale us with her beautiful singing voice.

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  3. Here we go again. How many times do I have to tell you people! I’m a derivative, talentless wench with too much time on my hands – what else is there to do except money-grab? Dannii has X Factor. What do I have?

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  4. You leave my mother out of this. Tsk.

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  5. ‘Nowt to do with her’? It was official fucking merchandise! (as wanked over by this site’s Madonna-obsessed editor).

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  6. WOW. Edwood. That’s hard-hitting stuff … and soooooo true!

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  7. Oh don’t be naive. As if Madonna’s sat there approving bottles of cheap plonk with her album images scribble on ’em. Terribly unlikely. I think they call them ‘tributes’ to Madonna. Besides, I don’t think they’re obsessed with Madonna on here – it’s just they don’t fawn over Kylie, for which I personally am very, grateful. These gays who blindly follow Kylie bore me (and don’t have a hissy fit and start saying, ‘Well she’s better than Madonna, blah blah blah’, coz we all know she ain’t. She’s just a poor imitation). So there.

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  8. Fight fight fight fight fight fight fight!

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  9. Oh dear, the gays get the hump coz someone dares to say they don’t like Kylie. Call the police!

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  10. Oh great, another Kylie tour. Surely she has ripped off every element of every Madonna tour ever now so surely will come back with a tour thats original for the first time in her career. Comparing Madonna and Kylie is like comparing caviar and shit. Kylie will never be in Madonnas league. As long as its better than that fucking awful Showgirl Homecoming Tour then I may drag myself to the M.E.N I suppose.

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  11. caviar is shit – get over yourself

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  12. … because Madonna is so fucking original. FUCK OFF! Madonna is possibly the most derivative, soul-sucking, humourless cunt that ever walked the earth. She hasn’t made a decent record for 20 years and still ‘the gays’ lick her sinewy granny arse. Give me Kylie (who’s never done anything as shit as ‘Hey You’) or Roisin Murphy anyday.

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  13. eurgh – and madonna is SO cutting edge. working with timbaland? following in the footsteps of duran-fucking-duran? Nice.

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  14. Yes. Madonna hasnt made a decent record for 20 years. Absolutely.

    And Kylies Body Language, Lets Get To It, Fever and indeed X are all works of art. Either you are deaf or a comedian. Either way bugger off back to the Kylie forums and revel in your self delusion while the grown ups talk. And making up 3 names “Wow” / “AnneChristian” / “Magma” doesnt make your argument any more convincing, it justs makes you look even sillier.

    Oh, and caviar isnt shit. Its eggs.

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  15. Hear hear, Lancelot, hear hear!!

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  16. madonna: the stupid gays stupid icon

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  17. And what does that make Kylie then? The retarded gays’ icon?

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  18. fyi; ‘retarded’ is worshipping a gap-advertsing, fur-wearing, kabbalah-spouting, shit-record making, menopausal cunt. cunt.

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  19. PAGING AL-QAEDA … PAGING AL-QAEDA … GET THEM BOMBS MADE TOUT DE SUITE.

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  20. Yes magma. Madonna makes shit records. Of course. Thats why she;s sold more than Kylie and Celine Dion combined now.

    Get your Kylie obsession into perspective. Kylie – who no-one outside of Australia and the UK gives a flying cunt about, who rapes Madonnas every move (admittidly, that Madonna has “borrowed” first usually). Kylie, the money grabbing whore who played on the publics sympathy by going on a sub par tour and over doing it this year, saying she would only do London dates then realising more money was to be had, announced she would do Manchester.

    Or we can worship – your words – Menopausal fur wearing Madonna, who has done more for AIDS charities and gay rights over the years than people realise, who gave 40million cash to open an orphanage and gives 10% of what she earns to a cause she believes in.

    Or we can simply enjoy them both for their good points, and love them for their failures, Something you seem incapable of doing.

    If Kylie thought for one minute that Gap would have her in their adverts shed be round them quicker than flies around shit.

    Its fans like magma that continuinally split the fanbase of Kylie and Madonna and end up making Kylie look stupid, and lose her record sales. Look what happened to poor Mariah after her fans started attacking Madge – poor bitch.

    I guess we can be thankful that Magma is now no longer paradiing under a number of fake IDs.

    And actually magma, retarded means a genuinly disabled person. SOmething that you could better to consider thinking about rather than coming on here spouting your bile. Bless. Get a hobby.

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  21. I am not Magma and I am glad you have got all that off your chest
    Are you taking this a bit too seriously?

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  22. Funny how the original article has no mention of Madonna, but Edwood felt compelled to slag Madonna off in her post.
    I am fans of both Kylie and Madonna but I still await to see Kylie challenging public’s perception on sexuality, female empowerent, religious views etc – and I don;t care if she makes money in the process. If it opens up discussions and people’s minds to such issues – that is a good thing. Granted pop music does not have to be accompanied by “issues”, but I feel more satisfied and it makes me respect the artist more. And the can grab the money while at it. I don’t care. As for being cutting edge, one does not have to be so every single time. maybe once in ten years is okay. I mean most artist NEVER is cutting edge. which is also fine.

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  23. Sadly Kylies fans seem to feel so insecure they always have to try and diss Madonna in things. Where Madonna fans dont feel threatened by Kylie so embrace her. OOOOOOO I lurve a big old heated debate me!

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  24. I only brought Madonna up because this website contunally kisses her skanky arse whilst berating kylie (often using her serious illness as a beating stick – nice). I stand by my points. Everyone I know (in the media) who’s met Madonna has said what a deluded, humourless twat she is whereas those who have met Kylie have said she’s been a delight. And Lancelot, sales don’t equal quality. How many records did the Velvet Underground or Patti Smith ever sell? (not that you’d have ever heard of them).

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  25. What do you mean using Kylie’s serious illness as a beating stick? Where, sir? Where?

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  26. Jesus fucking christ people!!! Suck on a Polo mint or something…
    Anyway, Edwood, would just like to make the small point that they don’t continually kiss Madonna’s ass on here – it’s quite a levelled appreciation, if you ask me, with many criticisms of her when necessary.
    And btw, what the fuck have the Velvet Underground and Patti Smith got to do with anything? Total bizarre segue.
    And btw, Edwood – are you William Baker?
    And another btw – love Consuela’s comment!
    And btw, I’ve met Kylie AND Madonna. Yes, Madonna was quite surly but at least she gave me goosepimples. Kylie was just insipid. And almost got stuck to my shoe.

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  27. What are you people all on about? It’s SO about Dannii.

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  28. I love them both. Is that allowed?

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  29. No.

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  30. kylie’s going on tour. which is like the third time in the last four years or so. there’s demand. there’s money. she grabs the opportunity to make money this way. edwood – why do u have a problem with people saying that? although if Kylie is in fact giving away tickets for free please can i have ten? I know lots of friends who’d love to come with me.

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  31. Skinny Latte: YOU ARE SO RIGHT!

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