Looking big enough to tit fuck the entire Southern States, Aretha Franklin turned up at an awards ceremony last night proclaiming that she’d had it with dieting.
Dieting later commented that it had had it with Aretha long before that.
‘For a long time I suffered so much trying to be what other people expected me to be and look like,’ said Urethra (though no one really believed her).
‘I definitely was never meant to be a model type walking down a runway.’ Unless of course it was a catwalk show of new DFS sofas.
NB We would have more sympathy for Reet if she didn’t famously spend her entire life in her armchair watching her ‘stories’.