Karen Krizanovich: An American Bitch in London

Will there be a mince pie with that?

‘Tis the season and all that but there are some seasonal ‘things’ that need to be sorted. What do you do about the Christmas Creeps? I mean the folks that you avoid for the whole year and possibly slag off behind their backs to your true friends, who then make you feel shitty by asking you out with them for a Christmas drink?

I have at least two Christmas Creeps on the horizon. Some time ago, Man 1 called me and was making weird noises at the end of the phone that sounded like sort of rhythmic, thumping noises with his HAND on some portion of his body. I ask, ‘What are you doing?’ His breathing came undsteadily, ‘I… I… I…’ I put the phone down. Haven’t talked to him since. Now, he phones me wanting to go out for a Christmas drink. Uh, yeah, sure, if the WORLD WAS EXPLODING. Does your mother know you are sharpening your stinger while you’re talking to grandma? EW! (I mean, if he were cute, would it be different? And does he ever clean off that phone?)

Then there’s Man 2, who is married I might add, and who is the appropriate professional type except for the monthly sleazy texts he sends me at dawn o’clock when I am asleep. Anway, this one’s asked me to go out for a Christmas drink. When I first met him, he was so NICE and like, normal.

So, I am in a pickle. As it IS the season to be forgiving and it is the season to see if people have changed – or even if I have changed, I suppose – I should go and have the drink, and be ready to be a bitch and walk out if things get weird.

But I keep thinking… why am I spending time in the first place with people who are creepy? The reason is even creepier: I just never know when they might be useful. Or maybe I just need to feel worshipped and will accept attention from anyone on the food chain? I guess that’s my Christmas gift to me – the awareness that I am a big fat USER. Whew, guess I’ll just have to follow the sign…

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4 comments to “Karen Krizanovich: An American Bitch in London”

  1. Don’t go, KK! Don’t go!

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  2. I don’t believe she would put the phone down on someone panting.

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  3. I get that sort of unsolicited attention all year round!!!!!!!!!

    Be thankful you only receive it come YULETIDE.

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  4. From what the I understand you rarely refuse a free cocktail. My daughter, the Late Dowager Queen Elizabeth confirmed this……

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