Picture it (you might not need to picture it, you might be LIVING IT!)
You’ve opened your presents – a copy of Trinny and Susanna’s Guide to Bra Sizes and Jeremy Clarkson’s new DVD (‘How to be a Cunt and Oh, Let’s Look at Some Cars’). You’ve eaten more mincey pies than the Pope has had bonnets this year (ie, quite a lot) and now you need some televisual relaxation preferably half-reminding you of your youth, with a fairly fit bloke and maybe someone whose records you used to buy.
Watch this. It is Doctor Who – colon – Voyage of the Damned and it is the Christmas Special Doctor Who Special. Special. Set on the Titanic and featuring Kylie very convincingly wearing a waitress’s uniform that comes above the knee (in 1912!), it has lots of running about and some villains called ‘The Hosts’ (not the wafer you pretend is Jesus before you swallow it, presumably).
Just one thing: do you think Doctor Who’s footwear is appropriate for luxury dining on the most fabulous vessel ever put to sea? Hmmm?
Also showing on this most Christmas of all days: The Catherine Tate Christmas Show (BBC1, 10.30pm) and Harry Hill’s Christmas TV Burp (ITV – if you’re allowed it in your house – 8.30pm).