In May it was all about…

Don't fuck with HM!

Beyonce kick-started her new deluxe version of the fabberlous B’Day with an exclusive little chat to me-me-me about how she’s really just a frustrated drag queen. Not that frustrated, we told her.

Barbra Streisand announced she was coming to the UK – again! – and this time wanted in the region of £600 per ticket! There ain’t no amount of Stoney End would get us to part with that kind of booze money.

Bette Midler signed up for the post-Celine Caesar’s Palace gig. Tickets were appreciably cheaper, while Prince tickets in London, were truly bargainous.

Tori Amos and Kelly Rowland gave us some exclusive chat time. We didn’t waste it. And as for Janice Dickinson… the woman’s mad, we tell you, mad!

Annie Liebowitz took some rocking pictures of the Queen and, though the Queen didn’t storm out as reported, AL was mighty impressed with lady’s cojones. She don’t take no shit, don’t Betty.

George Michael pleaded guilty to being – what’s the medical term? – as fucked as a ferret while in control of a vehicle. In unrelated penal news (that’s ‘penal’ not ‘penile’. Honestly!), Paris Hilton gets sent down for being similarly fucked and in control of a vehicle.

The mad lady of hats and style in general, Isabella Blow, died. Turned out she had committed suicide.

Bjork revealed exclusively to us that when she saw Dawn French ripping the piss out of her ‘Big Time Sensuality’ video, she loved it so much she wrote a thank you letter. What beautiful manners!

It was the image that obsessed our, ahem, bedtime hours all year. The Dolce & Gabbana bloke in white trunks, crotch to camera.

In the midst of the crazy-as-a-box-of-fake-hair Spector murder trial, we revealed that Deborah Harry had told us he pulled a gun on her. Got in the papers and everythang.

Out came the freaks for Mika‘s live show at the Shepherd’s Bush Empire. The man himself was charm personified at the after-show do.

Joan Rivers told us – exclusively, of course! – that the look she was going for was ‘oldest hooker in the room’. She’ll have to get up early in the day to beat Kylie to that one.

Eurovish came and went. It was all about the Eastern Euros – of course! – and the gayers were pipped to the top spot by the lesbians. Or something.

Rufus Wainwright (exclusively!) told us that Tori Amos had helped him get over his teenage rape ordeal, Sophie Ellis Bextor told us all about her favourite things and Michael Buble reckoned he’s never been quite drunk enough to go gay.

Jake Shears of Scissor Sisters fame told us he’s not really interested in singing about gay people. He was still all over Kylie like a dirty protest, mind you.

And the put grass all over Trafalgar Square. Twas nice.

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