In November it was all about…

Big J

We distinctly asked you, begged you, pleaded and beseeched you to vote for Janice Dickinson in I’m A Celebrity… but could you be bothered? No. And so fat cunt Biggins wins. Hope you’re all very happy with yourselves.

Christina Aguilera got her bits out for a magoizine (pregnant bits at that). We were not impressed, especially as she looked a bit like that dog from BB last year.

A shiny new gay was announced for EastEnders. And even the actor playing him is gay so we might even get a squeeze down Shadow Lounge one night!

Some saucy post-coital pictures of Mr. Michael Bublé turned up on the interweb. He needs to shift a couple of pounds.

Billie Piper revealed that she was returnething to Dr. Who. It’s going to be very crowded in that Tardis soon.

Kate Bush, who we love so hard we can barely speak her name, did a new song called ‘Lyra’ for The Golden Compass. And it was nice and everything.

Will Mellor turned up on The Street playing a gay, which gave us a great opportunity to tell about that time we were doing a shoot with him in wet pants where he got a bit carried away. Oh, and to run a shot of him naked.

Mariah Carey turned up on the Ellen show and proved what we’ve known for years, that she is funny and smart and not at all crazy. Oh, OK, just a little. But a fun little.

While we are very much looking forward to the Tim Burton Sweeney Todd (despite Tim Burton), we were very much concerned about the quality of Johnny Depp’s singing voice. Turned out we were right to be concerned.

Girls Aloud took time out of their very busy schedule dating gays (that’s a JOKE, a joke we tell you) to answer the questions you had put to them.

The Queen and Prince Philip recreated their honeymoon shot to celebrate their 65th anniversary. Gawd bless yer, ma’am.


Two men kiss in a D&G advert! Has the world gone cotton-picking mad?

Amy Winehouse went into total meltdown live. But Andrew Lloyd Weber thought it was good.

Jack Rimmer left Waterloo Road. Which won’t mean a damn thing to you if you don’t watch Waterloo Road (but have a look at him and tell us you wouldn’t have got a funny tingle if he’d been your headmaster).

We actually got quite into the whole Foxy Knoxy murder mystery unfolding in Italy. Does that make us bad people?

The freakish opera singer guy – Rhydian – off-of X Factor turned out to be quite hot. And quite keen to flash his naked arse.

Heart-throb of the year was Rupert Penry-Jones off-of our fave programme Spooks. Here are some pictures of him in it naked. Thank you.

Boy George – who we won’t hear a word against, everybody, OK? – was charged with having chained up a male escort or something. Is that illegal now, then?

Beth Ditto revealed that she likes to vomit a-top homophobes. And why not?

We noticed a startling resemblance between Prince Harry’s bit of S’african skank, Chelsy (can’t even spell that right) and other celebrity pigs in wigs.

Oh, look at this cheenius anti-homophobic-bullying campaign for English schools. Whoever could have come up with such magic?

We got the first glimpse of the what the Olympic stadium in London is going to look like – ooh, s’nice – while the Queen was busy opening the gorgeous new Eurostar station at St. Pancras with its mile-long champagne bar! 

Emily off-of X Factor became an ex-X Factor contestant when some charming videos of her involved in happy slapping surfaced. Judging by the videos, she really nailed it. Gave it 110%.

We mingled with the stars at Stonewall’s glittering second annual awards ceremony.

Kylie became a cartoon character. No not Cruella DeVil. And, no, not Dumbo.

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