Hello darlings. The Fag Hag is back for 2008 and, frankly, I’m coming up so you better get the party started.
I’m hoping everyone here saw the New Year in with a bang, and that hoists and a Vauxhall postcode were involved at some stage.
The FH spent 31st December in Florida surrounded by her closest and most trusted friends – Tequila and Slammer – before jetting off to NY for a spot of downtown cruising.
I’d sat next to an Upper East Side housewife on the flight out (sable coat – check; $500 highlights – check; elderly husband in wheelchair sitting across the aisle from us making groaning noises – check) who’d recommended Macy’s for sale shopping…
‘It’s much more reasonable,’ she advised, staring at my Claire’s Accessories diamante horseshoe pendant. Never one to look a gift horse (or a gold-digger) in the mouth, I grabbed a cab down there and frankly, my darlings, I’m just glad you didn’t have to witness the scenes I was confronted with – it was like an episode of Bad Girls set in a Puerto Rican prison!
As various flammable fabrics got fought over by ladies favouring a gold earring or two, punctuated by sounds like, ‘Mmmn Hmmmn. Girl, I tol’ you that’s mine!’, I decided it was time to head for the safer environs of Bloomingdales.
And the minute I stepped inside the breezy chrome and white beauty hall and a perfume queen with perfectly plucked eyebrows said, ‘Ma’am, Marc Jacobs’ new fragrance? Can I interest you in trying it today?’ I knew I had made the right decision.
Mr. perfume queen, you had me at ‘Marc’.