So Lady Blackwell, self-appointed fashion guru with a capital oooOOOOooooh, has been pointing his finger in a dolly fashion at those famouses he reckons dress like trouts, and those famouses he reckons don’t. Again. Apparently it’s quite the event, and the 48th at that.
Anyways, this worst-dressed list of which we speak apparently leaves famouses across the globe wetting their pantyhosen in DREADED anticipation, but looking at the ten slebs Blackwell’s decided are this year’s worst-dressed confirms that the ageing gennelman of fashwion merely closes his eyes and sticks his hand into a tombola type thing and hopes for the best. And what’s particularly excitement is that for each of his carefully considered worst-dressed, he composes a line of sparkling Wildean copy – much like a linguistic kick in the front bottom – akin to the bon mots of Arlene Phillips off-of Strictly Come
On My Tits Dancing.
These are his top ten sartorial trouts, and their accompanying rebuffs (plus his best-dressed famouses to boot. How fun.):
1) Victoria Beckham
His smart comment: ‘Forget the fashion spice, wearing a skirt would suffice! In one skinny-mini monstrosity after another, pouty posh can really wreck-em.’
Our smart comment: ‘What a pile of bollocks. She may pout a lot, but she’s actually rather a good dresser.’
2) Amy Winehouse
His smart comment: ‘Exploding beehives above, tacky polka-dots below, she’s part 50’s carhop horror.’
Our smart comment: ‘You say that like it’s a bad thing?’
3) Mary Kate Olsen
His smart comment: ‘She resembles a tattered toothpick-trapped in a hurricane’.
Our smart comment: ‘Je suis d’accord with you on that one, Lady B.’
His smart comment: ‘Yes, when it comes to couture chaos, guess it’s all in a name!’
Our smart comment: ‘We don’t get the ‘all in a name’ thing. Sumfink to do with the Duchess of York? What. Ever. Etc.’
5 – 10) [We can’t be arsed writing all of these out. It gets quite tedious, and you’ve prolly got the gist by now.]
Kelly Clarkson, Eva Green, Avril Lavigne, Jessica Simpson, Lindsay Lohan and Alison Arngrim.
Our parting comments on this last little lot: ‘Lindsay, yes. Alison? Ne’er heard of her. Kelly Clarkson – it’s a lezzer look, so, you know. Eva Green? That’s called eccentricity and it’s not to be sniffed at. And good ole Jess… rather nicely turned out every time we’ve stumbled across her, and such silky shiny hair.
Oh ps. He also kindly told us who were the best dressed famouses. These are them:
Reese Witherspoon, Jemima Khan, Beyoncé, Angelina Jolie, Helen Mirren*, Nicole Kidman**, Katie Holmes***, Kate Middleton****, Katherine Heigle and Cate Blanchett*****.
* Totally with you on this one, Blacky.
** For real?
*** She looks like she’s been dressed by a gay. Not necessarily a bad thing.
**** Also for real? Looks like she shops in the Kings Road branch of LK Bennett…
***** SO totally with you on this one.
These people told us about this little nugget. Thankings.