Fag Hag Diary

Faggy.

Thursday

Last night saw the Fag Hag leaving the safety and comfort of her satin themed sleeping quarters (complete with Norma Desmond lighting concept), to attend the Wallpaper* magazine awards. The location, location, location of this ceremony was, rather naturally, an abandoned Royal Mail building in Holborn – I was thinking Romanian orphanage is a little more this seaon but cut them some slack – they can’t always be as on-trend as me.

Anway, upon my arrival I was handed a glass of champagg-knee, by a man in a black Dior suit with skinny tie, before being shown to my table by another man in a black Dior suit with a skinny tie, and finally introduced to my dining companions, 4 men in black Dior suits with skinny ties.

‘Hi, I’m Alexander, a personal shopper for Harrods,’ said an excessively fit man on my left. ‘Hi, I’m Toby,’ simply said another, no job title necessary when you’re that cute. ‘Hi, I’m the Fag Hag and I’ve gone to heaven!’ I squealed. Apres dessert – which naturally enough featured one impossibly cool steel utensil which required a basic degree in engineering merely to eat it – I wandered off to peruse the magazine photos on display.

There, in pride of place right in the centre, was one of Alexander, the cute personal shopper. ‘Who’s that?’ asked yet another man in a black Dior suit with another skinny tie. ‘Ohmigod, that’s Zander. He’s so hot right now!’ I said, in my best Zoolander voice. ‘Oh right. Cool,’ said Dior man nodding earnestly.

If you want to check out Zander in person get your arse over to Harrods – but bear in mind your minimum spend before you’ll even get an appointment is £2500. But Blue Steel hotness while you shop…? Priceless.

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4 comments to “Fag Hag Diary”

  1. You expect us to go to Harrods? Eugh.

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  2. I mistrust personal shoppers. How could they know me better than me? BTW, I’ve had my colours done and everything (by association), so I can scan a shop within 17 seconds and know whether anything in there is good for me or not. It’s a marvellous skill to have.

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  3. I have a better idea, let’s have Zander come to me!! I really could use a makeover. It’s been what? Almost 51 years since I’ve had a new frock.

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  4. A satin boudoir? How Milk Tray! ;-)

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