The best loos in London (sung in the manner of Sweeney Todd’s ‘The Worst Pies In London’. What? It’s very topical you know.)

Where's the urinal?

So Toptable, a place where you can book tables in nice restaurants (to be pronounced as if the word consisted of two syllables, and also in a French accent so missing out the ‘t’ and ‘s’. Repeat after us: ‘restron’) over the interdolly for less cash dollar than if you did it using the traditional method of calling up and speaking to a real life person, has revealed under the banner of their annual Dining Awards the best restron loos in London.

Hooray!

Okay, so they’re the best restron loos in the UK, but seeing as there’s only one non-Big London restron that making the top five, we’re using the law of averages ‘n’ rounding up ‘n’ stuff and calling them the best loos in London. Which isn’t wrong.

They are as follows:

In first place: Sketch, Mayfair, London. That’s them up there, in the pic. They are very nice. You go to the loo in a pod and everything’s very white and miniminiminiminimalist, but can we just say the mirrors in said pods are very unflattering and sort of distort one’s reflection so that you look like you’ve had a landslide on your face.

No. 2: Crazy Bear, Fitzrovia, London. There’s a sea of mirrored glass and you can slip your hands into the mens/ladies loos next door, hence frightening the opposite sex and maybe have a fondle in the process. If you’re a homo, this is less appealing.

III) The Grill Room @ The Dorchester, Mayfair, Londonium. We went, but we were pissed so don’t think we even made it to the loo. Kate Moss was there, though, and she didn’t seem to mind.

Four) The Blackwell Ox Inn, York, non-London Town. Haven’t been to York since a school trip sometime in the 80s, so in Toptable we trust.

e) Pétrus @ Berkeley Hotel, Knightsbridge, Big London. We don’t drape pullovers in pastel shades across our shoulders so don’t eat in Knightsbridge that often. Unless it’s the Wagamama’s under Harvey Nichols. Though having said that it is a Gordon Ramsey restron and despite his shoutiness we do j’adore his nibblettes so, you know, there you go. Oh that rhymes.

*ends*

Toptable est here on the interdolly.

 

VN:F [1.9.22_1171]
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

More dolly #content:

6 comments to “The best loos in London (sung in the manner of Sweeney Todd’s ‘The Worst Pies In London’. What? It’s very topical you know.)”

  1. I like the poodle one
    x

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
  2. I’ve been to Crazy Bear and yes, agree the toilets are v. fun

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
  3. You’ve obviously not seen the outdoors facilities as Balmoral….pity that……

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
  4. A man friend once took me up the Crazy Bear and I didn’t half feel a cock when I was man handled in the privy

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
  5. I see none of those mentioned on thecruisinground,com so that would suggest none of them are much cop.

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)
  6. Oh, and the Crazy Bear gimmick with the wash basins? There’s a not-that-great restaurant in Chinatown with the same thing … how come THEY weren’t mentioned?

    VA:F [1.9.22_1171]
    Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)

Leave a comment