Matthew McConaughey has made a woman pregnant. Using his own penis, apparently.

Apparently they've shagged.

Matthew McConaughey has impregnated a real life woman, one who eats, breathes, menstruates and EVERYTHING. You know, similar to the way Katie Holmes does.

Anyways, Matthew off-of the beach is very chuffed about it all, and has blogged thus (NB. The OED will be looking to redefine its definition of ‘nauseating’ after reading this):

‘My girlfriend Camila and I made a baby together.

‘It’s three months grown in her womb and all looks healthy and lively so far.

‘We are stoked and wowed by this miracle of creation and this gift from God, and so excited for the adventure that will come in raising this child, being a mother and a father, and shepherding him or her through this life.

‘Wish us the best, keep us in your prayers, and God bless evolution.

‘Thanks for being fans of me and my work and now this new and miraculous chapter in my life, as me and Camila and our child do our best to just keep living.’ 

:-(

Some things you may like to make a note of, in response to the above:

– Any dog in the street can procreate, you know. It ain’t all that.

– ‘God bless evolution’? Erm, we’re assuming you haven’t noticed the irony of this, Matthew.

– ‘Three months grown in her womb’? What is this, first grade biology lesson?

– ‘Shepherding him or her through this life’? :-(

– ‘My girlfriend Camila and I made a baby together’? Doth the lady protest too much?

– All of it. It’s just, you know, *projectile vomits over morning pain au chocolat ‘n’ Pret soya cappuccino*

– And c) and d)

ps. Eugh.

pps. What a twat.

 

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6 comments to “Matthew McConaughey has made a woman pregnant. Using his own penis, apparently.”

  1. Fucking hell, these people who go on about it in terms of miracles and God and all that bullshit – get a fucking grip, people! It’s only a bit of sperm swimming into an egg. It ain’t got fuck all to do with God.
    What a dick.

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  2. Even God thinks Matthew’s a twat. He told me himself.

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  3. This is hilarious. You’d think he’d witnessed the second coming or something.

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  4. Jesus tonight- The guy filled some ho with his bollock yoghurt and now all of a sudden he wants us to pray for him?

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  5. Bollock yoghurt! Like it. It sounds delicious.

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  6. Oh it is- I swear by it

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