Stop what you’re doing immediatement! (Yes, and that includes you, wielding the KY jelly and the person of restricted growth!) The Ossie nominations are through and we need to have a right old Loose Women bitch.
Here’s my verdict on the gypsies, tramps and thieves making the line-up this year…
1. Keira Twice Knightley didn’t get nominated. Ahh, shame. I love it when a skeleton sneaks out of the lab and puts on a frock.
2. There is a God. He may not have eradicated world poverty but he did make damn sure Johnny Depp got nominated for Sweeney Todd.
3. Cate Blanchett for Elizabeth: The Golden Age? Ossies for looking pale in farthingales and ruffs? Who knew!
4. Best make-up: Pirates of the Caribbean? How much skill does it take to smear black Rimmel eyeliner?
5. Finally, Daniel Day-Lewis got nominated for a film called There Will be Blood… oh, and there will be friends if that cunt triumphs over Johnny.
Peace. We out.