What did you do yesterday? Browse for the ultimate cashmere V? Get your hands on new top people’s fashionista mag, Fabulous, brought to you by some jaded old hacks at News of the World who wear size 14 Monsoon to parties (that goddam mag’s so posh – not for council people at all!)? Or were you simply cruising for trade in the Speciality Bread aisle of Waitrose? Whatever you were doing it sure beats the shit out of my afternoon, because that was spent watching T4’s new show Vanity Lair.
Vanity Lair featured a bunch of ‘beautiful people’ stuck in a house all fighting for a £10,000 prize. (£10,000? What are you meant to do with that, pay the gas bill?) A man who looked a bit like Sanjeev Bhaskar was quite rightly voted out immediately. Another man discovered he had the least geometrically perfect face and promptly threw up. Alexa Chung wandered round in TopShop clothes looking like a Bedales girl presenting the sixth form end of year review. And I realised I’d just wasted an hour of my life, and I didn’t even have a receipt from Elite Male Escorts to show for it.