The Fag Hag has an embarrassing confession to make. No, that’s been taken care of and it’s amazing what penicillin and a truss can do.
This is way more mortifying so be gentle with me, my darlings. Here y’all are…
I have never seen an entire episode of ER. I have never seen an entire episode of 24. And I have never seen an entire episode of Lost. You see, when it comes to big water cooler TV dramas imported from America, the Fag Hag misses the goddam boat more often than Leo in Titanic.
When ER kicked off in this country and everyone was glued to their little 90s TV sets with giant backs? The Fag Hag was on a three-week holiday sucking off some Dutch bloke…
When Lost first launched in a flurry of dramarama? I came home drunk to catch the last 15 minutes and thought, ‘Why is a fat man standing by an old plane wing? That’s not very Carrie.’ And as for 24? I believe I was in the shagathon early stages of a relationship so the only TV I was watching was Anal Party 3.
Which brings me to my point. The time has come to right some wrongs. I’m getting started on these fuckers one by one. I will not rest until my work is done. I have the determination of Scarlett wielding that carrot.
So lay it on me beatches, whilst my hand lingers over my Amazon basket – which of these TV juggernauts do I get to know first?