Listen to Mohamed Al Fayed’s funny little rants! Oh he is a funny little man.

He owns a big shop, you know.

Mo Fayed – the most unwelcome man in Britain – has been letting his imagination get carried away with itself again. It’s all them dolly chocolates on the ground floor of Harrods, see – they go straight to your head. And your waistline. Repeat after us, Mo’ – eating’s cheating!

Anways, back to the point in sausage-fingered-hand. Mo Fayed – the most unwelcome man in Britain (you’re not getting that passport – read between the lines, ma’am!) is still driveling on about that Diana business, ranting to anyone within earshot about the fact that it’s all a BIG CONSPIRACY and Diana was ASSASSINATED! ASSASSINATED, we tell you, and it’s that family who live in the big house on The Mall that did it.

Giving evidence – under oath, people. Under oath – at the High Court today, Mo did claim amongst other bizarre things that Prince Philip – who he called a ‘racist’ and a ‘Nazi’ – was the leader of the death plot. Oh and listen to what he also said about Prince Philip, it’s funny: ‘It is time to send him back to Germany or where he came from. You want to know his original name, it ends with Frankenstein.’

Oh Mo, have you been getting your history of Britain from Cliff’s Notes again? And we wouldn’t start bandying around the ‘go back to where you came from’ business, as that’s a tricky one with you.

Oh but this is the best bit. Mo went on to list ALL the people that, according to him, himself and nobody else, were involved in the assassination of Diana and Dodi… 

They are: Prince Charles, Prince Philip, Tony Blair, High Court judges, Paul Burrell, police chiefs, senior politicians, the secret services of Britain and France, the CIA, newspaper editors and even Diana’s sister. He surely forgot Pinky and Perky, that funny woman with the mole at number 57, Fern Britten, and Diana Ross (but not The Supremes).

This is the coroner, Lord Justice Scott Baker’s, response: ‘There seems to be an awful lot of people involved in this conspiracy.’

Touché.

Read more daft-ness, here.

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11 comments to “Listen to Mohamed Al Fayed’s funny little rants! Oh he is a funny little man.”

  1. But Pinky and Perky were involved. I saw them. And I later saw them dance with the devil.

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  2. Personally, I feel this conspiracy has the mark of Pam Ayres all over it.

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  3. Silly, silly, silly man. It’s like listening to the rants of a deranged homeless on a bendy bus…

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  4. I know for an actual fact that Delia Smith made an extra slippy batch of cake mix and spread it on the road in front of the Alma Tunnel knowing full well that Princess Diana was going to be hurtling that way without a seat belt on. She works for MI6 in between flipping Scotch pancakes you know.

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  5. No, idiots, my mum did it. She told me. It’s was a battle of alpha females, and the best ‘man’ won.

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  6. I did it!

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  7. The queen should chop his head off. And yes I know Queenie doesn’t chop people’s heads off, but she should do it all the same. He’s a silly fool who just has a vendetta against the Royal Family coz they have more money than he does, are more sophisticated (not hard, really) and he doesn’t have a passport so he’s taking it out on them. And really, Mohamed, is hating the Royal Family in such a petty, childish way really going to endear you to the nation?

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  8. I love the idea of Queen Betty sat at home laughing at this silly pillock’s antics…

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  9. The thing is, his claims are so unreal and far-fetched nobody will believe them … but then maybe the ‘dark forces’ know that, and thus can get away with anything. It’s very X-Files.

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  10. Whatever. She had it coming.

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  11. A bit crap on the MI6 front if the whole elaborate conspiracy would have been scuppered if she’d put her fucking seat belt on, the twat.

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