The league of [extra]ordinarily council celebrity children


Possitively post-war

Looking like something that lives off a diet of Dairylea Triangles, Peperami dipped in Angel Delight, and crisp sandwiches (Quavers, white bread), each of these children could’ve been plucked from the set of Shameless – and not without a struggle, might we add. The air was blue, the smell was very Febreze with basenotes of dirty off-white towels that haven’t dried properly and therefore smell of wet dog, and the parents were frankly too busy flicking off to Jeremy Kyle to care… But these children aren’t your common or garden progeny of Lisa (normally spelt with three e’s and two x’s) from Hull, oh-oh-no – they’re the offspring of some of the most famous – and rich – ladies ‘n’ gennelmen on the planet. And not any ole planet, either. THIS ONE!

They are, in no particular order but starting from the left and going eastward, Cruz Beckham, Rocco Ritchie and Brooklyn Beckham. Also known in the business as, ‘Some of the offspring of the Beckhams and Madonna ‘n’ Guy TM’.

Now far be it for us to judge – the Baby Jesus told us, personally, that it’s rude – but we got to thinking (SATC ref intentional, btw) that despite gazillions of English pounds in the bank and every effort known to Santa by the parents to make themselves look like sophisticated turns, it all goes awry when they accessorize with the kids.  

That’s ’cause you just can’t buy breeding, see.

*Ends* 

ps. When in doubt, go for Lourdes.

 

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6 comments to “The league of [extra]ordinarily council celebrity children”

  1. I’ve always told Rocco I was the cute one.

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  2. How rude! How true!

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  3. You expect it off someone like Kerry Katona but not OGL. Sort it out, love. It’s the hair and the horrible GAP clothing. Don’t tell me she can’t afford non-sweatshop on her wages.

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  4. Funny innit that she can go off to Milawi and get all boo hoo over the orphans but obviously doesn’t give a flying fuck about the sweatshop kiddies making her own clothes. Or maybe adopting orphans is her way of offsetting the exploitation equivalent of a ‘carbon footprint’ of buying sweatshop produce.

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  5. AND the kids look like they’re utter cunts.

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  6. I’d get rid of ’em.

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