So the BRITS were last night, a whole bunch of people won, more didn’t, and these are our thoughts on matters plural concerning the BRITS. They’re not comprehensive or anything, mind, ’cause a) we were flicking between ITV and Grand Designs on Four, and b) ’cause our moles at said BRIT Awards ceremony haven’t turned up yet/are still pissed/are in a gutter somewhere surrounded by their own vomit. But these thoughts crossed our mind all the same:
– Arctic Monkeys? Cocks.
– Amy Winehouse? Honey, we j’adore you, we je can’t get enough of you, but the live singing’s all gone rather awry, innit. Evidence after Jumpy.
– Paul McCartney dedicating his award to Linda? That’s all very nice but, you know, whether you like Heather Lady Big Mac or no, that was LOW.
– Kylie Minogue? Best International Female? *draws sad emoticon*
– Kylie Minogue? Hair? *draws sad emoticon; hands over some John Frieda Frizzease*
– Kylie? Performing? *makes call to Washington Snipey*
– Adele and Leona? Cheeeeenius.
– The Osbournes = Embarrassment. Ditto Vic Reeves. *considers giving up the booze; changes mind immediately*
– Mika ‘n’ Beth Ditto combo = J’adore
– And c) and d)
– Oh, and here’s the full winners’ list, for those who don’t know:
British Album – Arctic Monkeys, Favourite Worst Nightmare
British Male – Mark Ronson
British Female – Kate Nash
British Group – Arctic Monkeys
British Single – Take That, ‘Shine’
British Breakthrough – Mika
British Live Act – Take That
International Male – Kanye West
International Female – Kylie Minogue
International Album – Foo Fighters, Echos Silence Patience and Grace
Critics Choice – Adele