Fag Hag Diary

The Divine Miss Em

Friday

If you search really hard and turn to about page 43 of the Daily Mail today you’ll see, somewhere in between an ad for pensioners’ nylon slacks and a Catherine Cookson DVD voucher, that a little girl has been missing for nine days.

But where are the giant colour photos of her looking angelic in a school uniform splashed over the front pages I hear you cry? Where are the offers of planes, trains, automobiles and helicopters from fairy godfather businessmen? Where are the audiences with the pope and words of public comfort from famouses such as Lorraine ‘ach, it’s terrible, the poor wee thing’ Kelly? 

Actually they’re not coming at all. Why? Because little nine-year-old Shannon Matthews doesn’t have a photogenic GP for a mother who wears Whistles tops and has butter coloured £150 highlights. She didn’t run away from an exclusive holiday resort filled with merlot drinking parents who’ll all give eloquent quotes to journalists. She doesn’t look like a delicate little angel. Instead she wears her hair in a Dagenham pineapple, comes from a dodgy council estate in Dewsbury and her rough looking mum pretty much defines the word chav. So her cares what happens to her?

Children, a word of warning here which could save your life. When going missing, for God’s sake, be sensible and make damn sure you and your parents look like you’ve walked straight out of a Boden catalogue shoot.

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4 comments to “Fag Hag Diary”

  1. But having seen the mother of it, I’d’ve run away years ago….

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  2. Shocking, isn’t it. But ugly faces don’t sell papers…

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  3. There’s also an issue of timing. Maddie disappeared in the Summer, when PRs and journalist are on holiday, so the papers are desperate for stories. Unfortunately this kid’s disappearance coincided with two major murder trials, the resignation of a Communist dictator, the week the government decided to get mugged off over a bank deal, and… err … the Brits.

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  4. Like it or not, Maddie’s parents are successful and educated and the sort of people to whom you wouldn’t mind living next door. They epitomise the image of ‘nice’ people – so their daughter’s disappearance takes on a whole new dimension, the sense of a valuable person lost to faceless evil. Whereas we’re far less sympathetic to a woman who seems to have selfishly churned out kids with no thought for the crappy, life-on-benefits to which she’s condemning them, who doesn’t care about their having a father to respect, and who seems content to suck up as much taxpayers’ money as possible. I’d like to think her kids will grow up to be fine, upstanding, thoughtful, polite teenagers and adults who will put in a solid contribution to society during their lives. But I suspect the unpleasant truth is they’ll just be chavvy wasters. People read news stories to learn more about matters they care about. They cared about Maddie. They won’t lose sleep over this one. Life’s a female dog.

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