Turns out the Fag Hag has been cloned. And no, not in a fabulously 70’s, cop in Village People way. But in a ‘that’s funny, my card statement says I spent 300 dollars at a gas station in California on the same day I was in Crouch End cream bleaching my tache whilst watching Gavin and Stacey (j’adore) on telly… hang on, whaaat!’ type of way.
Turns out this clone zoning is happening all over. Because once I’d assured my bank – Lloyds de Grossman – that I hadn’t just spent 400 bucks at Baseball Express in Pasedena, I relayed my tale of woe to some Fag Hag pals who were gagging to spill their own stories of bigger and better frauds. Turns out being ripped off is Sooo this season, but the key thing is who’s been frauded the biggest.
‘Oh my god, that’s nothing, I had £5,000 taken,’ boasted one pal. ‘It was a nightmare – they stole £15,000 from my current account,’ said another. Poor old Fag Hag with her measly 900 dollar fraud felt positively ready for the workhouse. Of course the reason everyone can’t wait to trade vast amounts is because it’s a darling little way of flaunting your income without resorting to the vulgar depths of actually putting a figure on it.
From now on I’m not bothering to invest in a seasonal Chloe bag, I’ll just hang on to my defrauded status, add a few noughts and voila – I’m so fashion it hurts!