Mariah’s new album: the first review!

Rack attack

So ‘Riah fans, what would you say if we told you we had had a very sneaky listen to the as-yet-unfinished Mariah Carey album E=MC Squared (sorry, we can’t work out how to do that little 2 thing) and that it was a work of staggering beauty and general fabulousness with not a duff moment on the whole darn thing?

Would you say, ‘Tell us all about it!’? You would! Well, jump the jump and read prolly the first review you’ll see…

OK, the tracks aren’t all finished yet and these aren’t in the right order but they is the highlights on an album that has more highlights than Farrah Fawcett: The Highlights Years…

1. Touch My Body
You know it. It’s the single. It’s a bit ‘We Belong Together’ and it rocks hardstyle.

2. Lovin’ You Long Time
With its 80s funky vibe and a little sample from DeBarge’s ‘Stay with Me’, it has a Mariah-upon-Mariah-upon-Mariah wall of sound thing going on and is sheer cheeenius.

3. Bye Bye
Unintentionally funny (and very catchy) song ‘for my people who lost they grandmothers’ (she’s so street with her ‘they’ instead of ‘their’). On a very classic tip with a catchier-than-crabs chorus that just goes ‘byebyebyebyebye’.

4. Cruise Control
It’s always a shame when great girl singers get men to shout on their records. In this case it’s Damien Marley doing a reggae thing (a whole verse of it) – bah! It’s a bit daft anyway as it’s about cars and shiz but even with all those downsides, it’s still a cracker.

5. That Chick
Disco, disco, disco that’s again got a very 80s vibe to it, funny lyrics (the whole album is surprisingly well lyricked up) and a beat that bangs more than Danielle Lloyd at a convention of footballers.

All in all, it’s a truly flawless album, very Mariah in that some of it even harks back to the glories of Butterfly and up, up, up (even the death record about them dead grannies!) Record of the year and it’s not even out yet.

Watch for it around mid-April.

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4 comments to “Mariah’s new album: the first review!”

  1. Mariah Carey is so over, we need a new word for over.

    I was much more of a fan when she was under Tommy Motollas thumb and got the odd backhander across the face if she went out of the house wearing anything above the ankle. Good times.

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  2. I think she’s hilarious. The more like a Honey Monster she gets, the more I love her.

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  3. She’s no Alma Cogan is she, but I will admit she can hold a tune when she’s not being mental

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  4. “All in all a flawless album” … you’ve only reviewed (heard?) five songs.

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