You know the seven deadly sins, right? You know, like, lust and gluttony and envy, as showcased in the Brad Pitt movie Seven?
Well, Pope Benedict – here he is out on a hen night – has decided seven is simply not enough and that there should be seven whole fresh ones. How excitement! Find out why you’re going straight to hell after the break…
These are the seven social sins and they shall be punished in the afterlife by a good cuffing off of Jesus or even Our Lady bending you over her knee… They were garnered after a simple half-hour conversation with God and although we think they’re great, they somehow don’t have the snap, crackle and pop of the original seven. Ne’mind though, eh?
1. Bioethical violations. These include birth control, which is very responsible in this day of HIV and AIDS.
2. Morally dubious experiments, such as stem cell research. Oh, OK then.
3. Drug abuse. So it’s alcohol-free communion wine from now on.
4. Polluting the environment. So the Pope-mobil goes hybrid and no more air travel for Popster. No, not even America, sir.
5. Contributing to the widening gap between rich and poor. Alright, we’ll stop immediately.
6. Excessive wealth. So no doubt the Pope will be moving out of his lavish apartments and giving up all that bling (‘But people need something to kiss,’ sobs Benny).
7. Creating poverty. Aren’t all those last ones a bit the same? And how much poverty do you think you’re creating with your ban on condoms in AIDS-ravaged Africa, mister? How well off do you think them AIDS orphans are going to get?
Any ideas on what you think should be the new Seven Deadlies as this lot are a little weak?