My darlings, apologies for being later on this than a supermodel who’s been up all night with a ‘kidney infection’ but we have yet to discuss Les Nancys on I’d Do Anything (which I think should come with the caveat ‘apart from buy a Natasha Bedingfield CD or perform a sexual act with semi-digested faeces – I won’t do that!’)
How much do we love the Nancys in their nylon ‘order online for £14.99’ Moulin Rouge outfits and their desperate X Factor ‘pick me Louis’ smiles and their self-conscious, hopelessly 70s stage-school dropping of the H in ‘As Long as E Needs Me’… Personally, I’m rating Fat Nancy but I do also have a bit of a soft spot for Hotpants Nancy and Dwarf Nancy.
And as for the Olivers… Well, we’re not allowed to judge them, as no doubt some lady in the BBC in Guardian Reader shoes that look like Cornish pasties has decided that it’s cruel to do that to minors. What’s wrong with these people, ruining our fun like that! I want crying children growing up with self-esteem issues as a direct result of their involvement. And I want them now!