The Faggy can’t stop as she’s off on her hols with her newly groomed nether regions (my hair stylist has gone a bit directional down there but from what I’ve heard, frankly these Mediterraneans should be jumping up and down with excitement to see a vaguely tidy work-surface).
Yes, that’s right: I’m heading to Marbella… What? Hang on! Sorry. That was another life where I married a retired taxi driver from Enfield. I am, of course, being flown to the Cap d’Antibes…with my vast, wide-brimmed hat (think Diana Rigg in Evil Under the Sun) and my jewelled flip-flop at the ready. I will be giving you updates on my adventures with the locals because, heureusement, unlike Girls Aloud, I actually paid attention at school – instead of skiving off down Morrissons to buy hair bleach – and can speak French!
So, au revoir mes amis!