Fag Hag Holiday Diary

Our preferred guest.

Monday

Hello my darlings, the Fag Hag is still strutting her size trente six Juicy Couture flip-flops all over the south of France, but yesterday she found herself the victim of discrimination.

As I staggered down the corridor after a night on the Kir Royales and inserted my key into its slot, I noticed something very wrong. My door had the numbers 518 and a pretty shell motif. So far so normale. But when I looked over to the chambre on my left, suddenly I see – KT Tunstall style – in massive letters, ‘STARWOOD HOTELS PREFERRED GUEST’. Ma chambre now looked about as exclusive as a VIP area containing the C words – Chanelle and Chantelle.

‘Why the hell wasn’t I a preferred guest?’ I ranted to my travelling companions the next day who of course thought it was the funniest thing they’d heard since Geri Haliwell’s cover of ‘It’s Raining Men’. Naturellement I collared a manager about it immediately.

‘Ah, madame,’ she laughed. ‘Is just for people with points. Like air miles?’ Well, honestly, the cheek of it. A woman of my calibre doesn’t need to accumulate points to be preferred.

As I let myself back into my room, I noticed a piece of paper had been placed on my door. In black 18 point typeface were the words, ‘YOU ARE NOT A STARWOOD PREFERRED GUEST. DESOLE.’ This was followed ten minutes later by the sound of my fellow travelling companions and a chambermaid giggling.

I will not rest until I get these bitches back. And that chambermaid better beware as I’m thinking dirty and I’m thinking protest…

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7 comments to “Fag Hag Holiday Diary”

  1. How rude.

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  2. I wouldn’t stand for this shit either, Faggy. Go get ’em.

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  3. There are far too many of you ‘non-royals’ who seem to think deference is for you. Your not living in a democracy Faggy. The truth hurts. Try marrying up!

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  4. Mmm … I’m getting concerned. You’ve admitted on this blog that not only do you wear Uggs, but you also have Juicy Couture items in your closet. YOU ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN SOME GIRL CALLED TABITHA FROM BARNES, WHO WOULD ALSO WEAR SAID ITEMS.

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  5. Who cares. I’m actually asking.

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  6. Who cares? I’m actually asking.

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  7. Me, for a start…

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