Oh Raef off-of Apprentice – how do I love thee, let me count the ways.
I love your white jumper casually knotted and slung over you shoulders a la Freemans catalogue model looking into the middle distance and pointing.
I love your posh proper ‘man’s’ full length winter coat that looks like it belongs to a Tory MP at the cenotaph rather than a reality tv contestant.
I love that you are a 27 year old man in 2008 and you still wear PJ’s a la Charles Hawtrey in Carry on Doctor.
I love that you say ‘ the spoken word is my tool’.
I love that common people think you are posh when you are obviously at best nouveau riche euro-trash, and at worst and more probably – from lower middle class stock who spent their corner shop profit on your education.
But most of all I love that a women’s magazine has asked me to go on a date with you and there’s a small but not inconceivable chance that I might, if I play my cards right and get you drunk, get to see your pee pee. And if it’s as epic as they say I think you’re being way modest calling the spoken word your tool…