Lindsay Lohan denies being a big old lezzer.

Lesbetronics.

Lindsay off-of can’t actually remember has denied partaking of ladies’ business, after pics of a lesbian nature involving Samantha Ronson off-of Mark Ronson did the rounds a few days ago. They showed the two of ’em, you know, touching each other. Eugh.

‘Lindsay and Sam may insist they’re just good friends,’ Source tells the Daily Mirror, ‘but there’s no denying their chemistry. They were holding hands quite openly and Sam was stroking Lindsay’s wrist really affectionately.’

There’s more to that quote but we got bored.

Anyways, this leads us seamlessly to our own lesbian-related incident from London’s glittering Bank Holiday Weekend. Wherein someone withinside this very orifice was attacked by a lesbian. That’s right, pop-pickers, attacked. By a lesbian. A lesbian attack. For why? Because the victim politely asked said attacking lesbian not to push to the front of a (particularly long) queue in a renowned fast food outlet in which everybody else had been waiting for up to half an hour. Her response? ‘Fuck off you queer!’ followed by several punches to the mouth. There was blood and everything.

Now Lezzy, dear, far be it from us to resort to playground tactics, but when you already look like a Honey Monster the last place you ought to be is the queue for a renowned fast food outlet.

True story.

The end.

 

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10 comments to “Lindsay Lohan denies being a big old lezzer.”

  1. Ooh, I’ve had lesbian-related incidents. Why are they so aggressive? (Not all of ’em, admittedly, but the only trouble I tend to encounter in gay bars is with lesbians. Or with horrible straight men who come in purely to make trouble. Haven’t they got anything better to do?)

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  2. I would like to apologise on behalf of said lesbian attacker. We’re not all aggressive. I know we’ve got a bit of a reputation for fisty-cuffs but maybe she’d just had too much Red Bull that night. I personally love gay men.

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  3. I think the point we’re all missing is that lesbian attacker was in renowned fast food outlet, which means so was said victim who therefore deserved a punch to the face.

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  4. I was a lesbian once, just the once mind – twas the time of free love, I was young, I was foolish, I was gagging for below-stairs action and there she was, ready to oblige – and I must say she was quite handy with her fists too

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  5. Ooh, Pilar – methinks you’re assuming it was a renowned fast food outlet of an American chain nature. Maybe it wasn’t. There are a few in the West End that are renowned for many a reason. I personally quite like a bag of fish ‘n’ chips with mushy peas from that place on the corner of Tottenham Court Road. Dionysus or something. Or a falafal from that place on Old Compton Street. Oh okay, I also admit to getting onion rings from Burger King, but sometimes a boy just gotta eat.

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  6. Small, I love you. Dionysus has the best chips in London after a night out. OK, if said victim was there, then he didn’t deserve a punch to the face.

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  7. I also quite a like a battered sausage from said same place.

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  8. ps. Ooh, I just noticed I punned without, well, noticing!

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  9. Yes, their sausages are delightful, with our without the battering.

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  10. i love to watch lesbians in action. i ain’t gay my self but there is nuttin better than to watch two girls going at it with one another.

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