Calum Best off-of total cock, has signed up for a new reality series.
*slits wrists immediately*
MTV ‘Totally’ – which we believe is a range of programmes brought to you by MTV, involving talents of paraplegic proportions such as Lisa Scott Lee and Jodie Marsh – has roped in Calum Best to take a vow of abstinence. You know, ’cause Calum’s known for porking (god we hate that word but feel it’s appropriate in this context) gazillions of trouts, so this would be, like, a really hard thing for him to do and therefore presumably fun to watch in a reality show-esque environment. He’s also not allowed to wank. And he has to refrain from having a white wee for 50 whole days.
And how will we know he’s managing to abstain? ‘Cause he’ll be taking regular lie-detector tests. How Jeremy Kyle.
And he gets a prize at the end of it (or a forfeit, as the case may be), as decided by his bum-chums.
We can hardly contain ourselves.