Fag Hag Diary

No talking while you're eating out


Coleena Farrell, Ireland’s finest export (well apart from Johnny Logan. And Rose-Marie. And Mikey with the Mr Punch face from Boyzone. And Henry Kelly but only in his Going For Gold days) has nabbed himself a new lady to rub front bottoms with.

The lady who gets to see the Col schlong is none other than Emma Forrest, a British hack who knows a lot of famouses – lucky bitches! She’s always struck me as quite foxy – if a little bit of a mentalist – so I do hope she’s been boning up on her How to date a Famous manual. Which is…

1) Make it all about them.

2) Make it all about them.

3) Smile sweetly when their phone pings every second with saucy messages from insanely hard bodied new co-star before oh yes, making it all about them.

Personally, I’ve never really got the Coleena thing – maybe it’s because he once shagged Dame Eileen Aitkens, or a Doberman Pinscher or some such unlikely creature.

Or maybe it’s because in his sex tape he says whilst tending to his girlfriend’s lady worksurface ‘I just want to stay down here and have breakfast, lunch and tea darlin’.’ Tea? Oh my how could he – I’m sorry Colin, the word is supper.  No one who eats ‘tea’ after 4pm is coming anywhere near my vajayjay.

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One comment to “Fag Hag Diary”

  1. I wouldn’t mind having a go on Coleena’s schlong. He would, naturally, have to keep his mouth shut. In that I wouldn’t let him speak.

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